Past and present and future

As I sit here on my birthday,

Breathing in and breathing out.

I think of those no longer here,

I am blessed!  I have no doubt!

Al took me to dinner tonight at a new Italian restaurant in our little Lakeway community.  Al’s Mothers birthday would have been June 4th and she would have been 94.  Her name was Verona so we thought it fitting to share my birthday celebration with a toast to her memory at a restaurant with her name on it. I love sharing my birthday with her.  Here’s to you Mother in law dear.  I owe my happiness to you for raising a son who grew up to be a generous and loving husband, father and son.  Your years of child rearing paid off in giving me the gift of a lifetime.  So,thank you once again for this living, breathing ongoing birthday gift in the form of my husband.  You did “real good” in raising him up!  I owe you so much!

This morning as I sat at our desk to write out a card, I was sitting in front of a lot of pictures of people I have known throughout my life who are no longer here.  Most of these photos are obituary pictures and they smile at me every day from their perch on my desk.  I just can’t seem to throw them away.  I knew them and each one of them had an impact in my life that has contributed in some way, big or small, to who I am today.

Good morning, Cherie!  Hi, Gordy!  How are you doing, Roger?  Hi there Donny, Alden, Bob, Jeff….Tom and Curt and Dan and Russ.  I love your smiling photos!

Other pictures I carry around with me are in my minds eye.  Hi to my Aunts  Jackie, Doris, Vivian, Ruthie, Janet, Eleanor and Bonnie.  How is life on the other side?  Hi to Uncles Roy, Chet, and Uncle Gerry!  Have you seen each other?  Do you hang out with one another?  I wonder if my Aunts have run into my Mother yet?

I wonder if Don and Anita have gone fishing just one more time? Did Verona find Art when she arrived in heaven?  I wonder if my Grandparents are reunited with their earth children?  I wonder a lot about Heaven these days.  There are so many people I have known in my life who I am certain have gone there.  Can they see me?  Do they know when I am thinking of them? Can they feel my love for them? 

Marci, how are you doing?  Larry, though you died so young, I still remember you vividly, but of course to me you are still only around 20 years old.  You with the wide easy grin, dark full head of hair, and the big chocolate colored eyes. You were such a sweet loving person, and so much fun too! Have you run into your Dad yet?  Your sister?  How are you doing cousin Curt?  Cousin Kenny and Janet? All have left me with fond memories of kindnesses shown.

I think of Max, our Llasho Apsho who died when he was 12.  As far as dogs went, he was such a sweet canine family member.  I remember the day I asked the kids to sit down in the living room of our new house in our new town.  It was a lot to ask of our children to keep making new friends because of their Dad’s career.  A puppy was in order as a gift of appreciation from their parents for their ongoing readjustment to new environments, over and over again. I set him down in the hallway, around the corner from where they were all sitting, and watched him leap into our children’s lives.  This itty, bitty fur ball of energy was just the tonic they needed.  They all went crazy over our new family member.  Mr. Max.  How are you doing up there Max? Is heaven full of animals too?  Do you know I still have your picture up in our house and that I still miss you?

Yes, today is my birthday and it is a custom that we keep track of our years on earth. But,  I also keep track of those I loved and cared about who are no longer here and really don’t want to forget them….well, I could never forget them anyhow.  Every person we meet leaves their mark on our soul and I always seem to remember them all. Different things will,bring them to mind…maybe a song, or a scent, or a quote, or a picture.  Though you are gone from earth you are not gone from my heart. 

It is in honor of all those who have gone before me that I tip my hat in gratitude for still having my life here on earth. There is no knowing why some of us remain while others go, but I am sure we will find out what this is all about someday.  For now, I count my many blessings.  I heard from every single immediate family member today, our children, their spouses and significant others and our grands.  Oh, I most certainly did feel the love today.  In the end, the most important thing on earth is not things…it is how people make us feel while we are here, and right now I feel very loved.  Thanks to all who reached out and sent a message of caring.  It matters more than you could ever know!  I am very, very grateful to you!  šŸ’—

1 thought on “Past and present and future

  1. Cheryl Benson

    Bravo again Juanita..
    You always remind me of what is important.
    We are the next generation to take the trip
    To the other side.. I need to beef up on
    How to get there !!!…c



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