I am not a joiner. People who meet me would find this hard to believe because I am friendly and talkative and enjoy spending time with others. But joining a scheduled formal group of people just does not come naturally for me. I don’t really care for group activities.
Yet, I like having friends and have had good friends for most of my life. Give me a cup of coffee and a friend sitting across the table from me and I am in my own kind of heaven.
I have often wondered why I am like this. I come from a very small town and was part of a very large extended family. Fitting in was never a problem because everyone knew everyone else since birth. There was an general acceptance for who and how we were because these traits were just present from the beginning.
Despite having all that family in close proximity, I found that my favorite activities were usually solitary ones. Reading was as important to me as eating was for sustenance. I loved reading biographies of people who lived long ago. I also enjoyed history and fiction. I enjoyed the act of reading so much that if I poured myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, I would sit and read the box it came in for entertainment. I was happy and comfortable in my own skin.
I was very observant of my surroundings and how things were. The smells, the sounds, the taste of things. I enjoyed looking at all forms of architecture, noticing the smallest details. Without realizing it, these observations allowed for me to become a writer which was also a very fulfilling activity, albeit a solitary one.
I loved going for walks in the woods that surrounded our home, my senses taking in the smell of the dense undergrowth amidst the decaying leaves. I loved laying on my back on the floor of the forest and looking upwards, watching the suns rays being filtered through the leaves of the very tall trees. I enjoyed watching the insects flit around happily in their own little part of the world. I enjoyed listening to the murmuring evergreens as the wind rushed through their branches.
Growing up I had many friendly acquaintances and a few friends. I never felt a need to belong to a group of girls. I appreciated most of the girls I knew but did not like putting myself into a group where I was expected to take on a group approved opinion. One time, as a young girl, I witnessed a group decision that determined that someone was not up to the groups standards, and they decided to shun that person. I dropped out after that.
There always seems to be a pecking order in these gaggle of girls and I never understood the reason for this. Pecking orders within groups are stressful because it seems to put into place a preference of some over others. Nope, this isn’t for me. I have been asked to join many different groups over the years and have tried to be a part of these. Inevitably, I always ended up dropping out for one reason or another.
I can usually find something to like about most everyone I meet. I don’t need someone telling me who to like and who not to like. My opinion counts to me even while it may not matter to you. I like being free to go through life in a way that (MY spirit) guides me!
Those of us who are not joiners are not anti-social beings. Quite the contrary. At least I speak for myself when I say that I thoroughly enjoy socializing with others whom interest me. I just don’t have a need to fill my days with it. I like leaving room in my days to pursue my life long passion of reading, gardening, and writing. It does not take very much to fulfill my need of social activity. Actually it takes very little.
So…to my friends, both new and old, if you are in the mood to commune over a cup of coffee or a glass of iced tea, please feel free to give me a call. I love sharing world views with another person and am open to being shown another persons slant on things. So, you want a little time for one on one? Oh yes, yes indeed! But if you want me to join a group, I love and appreciate you for reaching out, but think I will pass.