Tolerance versus Intolerance

I just read an article by a woman who was ready to cut her children’s grandparents out of their lives because of what she saw as their “intolerant” views. The further I got into the article, the more upset I felt because as I read “her” litany of “their” intolerant remarks, it became apparent to me that their views represented a lifetime of social and religious and political teachings and experiences.

Her in laws are in their 70’s so they were uncomfortable seeing two people of the same gender kissing on t.v. to the point that her father in law walked out of the room saying he had had enough of this. This would have been a teachable moment for the children if handled with love and understanding of their elders past history.

She wrote that they commented on the huge amount of immigrants in L.A. and said “who would want to live there?” (Another teaching opportunity for the children at a later time.)

She wrote that they liked Trumps stance on illegal immigration, which to her was an unforgivable offense. She felt they were intolerant people because they voiced opposite views to societies changes over the past 50 years.

Now, certainly there is much to debate here depending on your religious or world view, but what was clear to me was the writers intolerance for her in laws views. She did comment at one point that her mother in law was sweet and softhearted but she did not want her children subjected to their voiced ideology.

I am sure she felt proud and empowered by “her tolerance” of todays society, but what was interesting to me was how she did not see her own intolerance for her in-laws views and that her intolerance could possibly lead her to take the Grandparents away from her children. How did she not see her own blatant lack of tolerance?

Grandparents are vitally important to the psychological growth of their grandchildren even if their world views are different from the parents. I am not sayin it is o.k. to spew hate! That is never o.k. What I AM saying is how could it ever be justifiable for a mother to separate her children from their Grandparents because she did not agree with their views? Children are perfectly capable of forming their own opinions while observing the mechanisms of three generations within a family. Cutting off contact between Grandchildren and their Grandparents teaches intolerance by that very act. Why not let the Grandchildren socialize with their Grandparents and then be ready for any of their inevitable questions. It could be a valuable teaching tool, rather than isolating ones children to only the parents view of life.

Too often I see this willingness to “cut off” loved ones rather than make the effort to meet in the middle. We are all a composite of every one of our life experiences which means no two people will ever see things exactly the same. Hate is the great separator while love is the binding agent.

Families have a tough go of it in this day and age. Children are often glorified while elders are sometimes vilified. The older we get in this country, the more vulnerable we become because so often our elders are cast aside and seen as an imposition, old fashioned, and unenlightened. Listening to the elderly and understanding where their viewpoints originated while holding onto our own differing views is respect. Listening to the elders in our family teaches our children to do the same.

Intolerance disguised as tolerance is sad because often the person who sees themselves as tolerant does not recognize that they, like everyone else, still have their own set of intolerant views. Loving people despite our differences is a true form of love. Tossing out family members over differences in how we see the world is really not the kind of lesson we want to teach our children, is it? Why not agree to disagree and then move toward topics we, as a family, all embrace?

Tolerance or lack of it is taught at home and within families. Let the children see both and form their own opinion. Generally, a kind heart and tolerance wins when seen in direct opposition to a lack of tolerance.

Jjb/8/7/2019

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