Today marks 30 days since I have left our home with the exception of a couple of drives around the area for a look at the outside world. We stay in our car so there is no exposure to other people. The days of COVID19 are upon us. We have kept track of how things are going around the world and most especially in the United Stares. Just watching things unfold in New York tells us what is rolling across the United Staes. Looking at the covid update maps, one can see how quickly it is moving across the U.S. and as it expands so does the fear. This virus is vicious and it is leaving behind in its path, much death and economic disaster.

On our drives, we see a lot of new home construction which signals faith in a future, which feels nice. Our own thoughts vacillate about the future, mostly wondering if we will even have one. The voluntary lockdowns are having an effect on everyone. it seems to adversely affect those who live alone the most. Humans are social animals, needing interaction with others, so to be in a self induced solitary confinement is very difficult for most people. These times are difficult for the elderly as well, because we recognize we the preferred prey for this virus.

The last 30 days has gone by well enough for us because we are fortunate to be living at home with a caring partner in this modern day nightmare. Living with one other person is nice for conversation, companionship, comfort and support. I have my moments where I find myself looking at my husband and wondering if either or neither of us will be spared? No matter which way I look at the possibilities of what could happen, most scenarios bring about a lot of stress, so I do not allow my mind to dwell there for long. We have rechecked our wills and have them in one place where the children can find them if the need arises. While we are prepared to meet our maker, neither one of us is ready for our demise, meaning we feel we have a lot of life left in us. But, I am sure most people feel this way.

In these times of “shelter in place” we are forced to reevaluate our lives and our purpose on this earth. We have lots of time for ‘one on one’ conversations with God, He, doing the listening while we pray for countless friends and people affected by Covid19. Being forced to stay home day after day gives ample time for reflection.

I do a lot of reading…mostly history of the U.S. and former epidemics and pandemics. Looking at past pandemics, I realize how brutal they have been to every population that have been afflicted with them. In most cases, they didn’t know what was causing the illness and death, so they lived in perpetual fear as they witnessed how lethal it was, having no idea how to protect themselves from it. Quarantine is nothing new. Societies have often turned to quarantine to stem the flow of disease.

We have been very blessed to have lived through so many years of good health due to modern medicine and the advent of vaccines. Here in America particularly, as a society, we have come to believe that most anything can be fixed, and if not fixed, at least medicine could buy us time. We took good health for granted because modern times gave us that false narrative.

As I sit here now, scanning updates of this monsters progress on a daily basis, I think of so many stories in history where people were forced to live in fear. Naturally all other pandemics and epidemics brought fear. The diary of Anne Frank tells us of the fear of being discovered in the tiny space that 8 people shared for around 2 years. Imagine that! Living in fear and silence for over two years just trying to stay alive! Then there were people who dealt with the presence of War in their lives. I was startled to read that the 1918 pandemic came along at the same time as World War 1. I felt such sadness for those poor people! It seems that populations have always been culled by war and disease throughout all time where only the fittest survive.

Our days have lost their structure, and we try to keep ourselves occupied with reading and projects, anything to keep our mind off of current events. Grocery stores are having a hard time keeping up with the demand for food and supplies. People are hoarding to fill their pantries causing certain products hard to find. If this is how it is now, I can’t imagine how bad it will be as time marches on.

We worry for our children and grandchildren in so many ways. We pray for their health and we pray that they will be able to survive the emotional and economic impact of what comes down the road later. The most difficult thing about this for us is that we cannot be together as a support system for each other. Technology helps with this, but it is not the same thing as being in the first person. Handshakes and hugs will become obsolete in the after math of this pandemic. We will never be able to go back to life as it was. A new life will rise from the ashes of this and no one can predict what that new life will look like. Those who are left will pick up the pieces and continue forward as every other culture has done after a disaster.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and for Christians this is a reminder that death no longer exists. We may die to this earthly life, but thanks be to God, our souls live forever.

The clock in our life here on earth is ticking, right along with our biological clock! I am deeply grateful to my Mother for bringing us up in the Christian faith. I cannot even begin to imagine the anguish and fear of the people who do not believe in salvation. While my earthly being wants to continue my journey on earth, my spiritual side, my soul, knows I have another home waiting for me in a place where earthly troubles do not exist!

Thy will be done Lord! Help me to know snd accept thy will! Comfort my fearful heart with your love and peace as we face what is ahead of us. Help me to conquer the fear that befalls me when I take my eyes off the cross. Thank you for your gift of grace! Amen!

Jjb/April 11, 2020