Category Archives: MUSINGS!

Stored up tears!

I rarely cry. I don’t know why this is. I sometimes wonder if my psyche or subconscious has built a impenetrable wall around my heart to protect it (and me) from being hurt or bruised more than it can handle. I didn’t even cry at my Mothers funeral which was really strange because I had/have such intense feelings of love for her and a longing for her to be with me in the physical sense once again…I missed/miss her so much. My sturdy reinforced psyche’ opened all the floodgates about 6 months later when something triggered the release of those emotions and the tears flowed like a tsunami. It was exhausting, but offered relief from the pain I felt.

When I first heard the news of our friend’s death, I felt great sadness but did not cry. Al cried and so I comforted him, but as I did so, I stood strong and dry eyed.

Last night I was going back through photos, reliving times gone by with people we have loved. Upon viewing these pictures of people who are no longer in our life, it felt as if with each death, or loss, a piece of my heart was damaged and shriveled up.

It was late and Al had gone to bed. As I continued to go through the photos, I began to imagine what it would be like to lose Al and that is all it took for my emotional dam to break.

I cried and cried and cried…great big shoulder shaking sobs. Poor Al, it woke him up and there he stood, taking his turn at comforting me. I just could not stop.

My mind went over all the people we have known and loved who are no longer here. Then I thought of so many of our friends and family who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a spouse, a child, a parent, or a close friend and this really let loose all the tears I had stored up..

Loss of love is not confined to death. Loss happens with divorce, estrangement, rejection, being ignored, moving to new places, having a friend or beloved family member(s) move away, and the disintegration of a relationship. They all create their own kind of pain with the void remaining and sometimes it just hurts so bad, one’s mind, unbeknownst to the person, begins to build an emotional wall to survive the many psychological, emotional, and heartbreaking injuries.

I am certain we are here to learn about love and I realize that sometimes we have to suffer the loss of love to understand it’s priceless value! With each loss we begin to understand why God keeps encouraging us to understand that between faith, hope and love…the greatest of these is love.

Love is NOT free, though it may seem so. There is a price tag to love where we have to give up a piece of our heart and give up some of our imagined control to allow us to feel love fully. We really pay the ultimate price when the love we invested in is lost to us.

I have always been told that I am too sensitive and I used to take offense with this because it made me feel inferior to the person who said this. It made me feel weak. However, as I have matured, I have come to understand that it takes great strength for my spirit to coexist in the same body as my sensitive, deep feeling heart. It takes courage to open my heart to others knowing that an injury created by hurt may well be in my future.

In the end, though, it is worth it to give your love to others, even if they don’t love you back. Love is the way we fill up damaged pieces of our hearts. If a piece of my heart is missing due to loss, I find new love with which to patch the hole. The patch doesn’t eliminate the scar from that loss, for that scar will always be there, but it does help keep the heart from breaking into a hundred million little pieces.

I do not feel sorry for those that have died…they are beyond the pain of this world. However, I do feel sorry for all of us who have been left behind in the vast, quiet void and emptiness of their leave.

My nature is to automatically like most people no matter what walk of life they are on. We are all made by the same creator which makes us brothers and sisters, and by way of this connection we owe it to each other to show love and grace to one another. All of our journeys are hard…it is just the way life rolls. But we have the God given power to make the road a little less lonely by showing love and compassion to our fellow travelers as we traverse our life’s path.

My eyes are swollen and I am so tired today. But the tears provided the materials with which to patch the most recent crack in my heart. The crack represents a blessing that once made a home there. This crack is the mark our friend left for me so I can see him in my minds eye.

Love…it isn’t easy but it is definitely worth it!

Jjb/8/7/2018

RED, WHITE & BLUE,

So, the house is now finally refreshed with the exception of painting the home office which won’t be a big project. It is now ready to sell…..if and when we decide to do so! Gone are most of the personal effects, the family pictures, custom colors, custom drapes, favorite wall art, and dramatic wall coverings. Out went a lot of decorative items. All the walls, ceilings and woodwork is painted. As I sit here and look around, I actually like the look. It is clean and neutral…(well, mostly neutral if one ignores our deep cherry red sofa bought 20 years ago and a couple of chairs I had covered to compliment the drapes and sofa back then, which means they have their fair shade of red too). Recently, I couldn’t keep myself from scanning furniture sites for that perfect light taupe or off white sofa and the perfect neutral chairs.

The problem here is this…we have always been very kind to our home furnishings so they don’t show any wear whatsoever. It has also helped that this is an empty nest house. There is no wear and tear to speak of.

This pondering reminds me of Old Blue, our older blue Buick, when hubby is scanning new car books with a yearning on his face. Does one get rid of something that is technically old even though it looks new, and in the case of our car, is comfortable and looks showroom clean? It is a big question, especially since we bought a shiny new black car 3 years ago that usually sits in our garage as we continue to drive “Old Blue” around. We have put very few miles on the new car since purchasing it to replace our 20 year old Jimmy. The only time it is driven is when Al and I need to drive separately. (Yes, HE drives the new one then because I really don’t care one way or another)…(Do you see a trend here?)

After all these years of living, I have come to see that it does not make sense to replace something just because you want something new. (UNLESS you have a huge bank account) In our house we always ask the following question when we want to purchase something. Do we really NEED the item or do we just WANT it? There is a big difference between the two. My husband always says, “Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD! I especially see the truth in this now as I read insurance actuaries that show average life span. Does it make any sense whatsoever to buy new furniture at this age, unless we were downsizing and finding ourselves in need of smaller furniture? The answer is obviously no. I don’t mean to imply that we feel old because we do not! It is just that we have so much like new furniture in this house already that will have to be sent on its way at some point and we would rather not add more, only to be hauled out!

So, I am satisfied to have accomplished what we set out to do which was to neutralize our “surroundings”. Once we move our stuff out of here, the walls are now neutral, the floors are neutral, and curtains are now sheer and neutral. Gone are the heavy custom drapes and I must say I like this look better anyway. Lighter & brighter.

I have made friends with my old sofa again, tossing the old throw pillows aside and appreciating how nice it looks, the sleek lines of it, despite its age. It is kind of like an old friend come to visit, where one exclaims, “You haven’t changed a bit!” Is it my imagination or does my sofa seem to sit taller when I say this?

Good ole “Red” the sofa. Good “Old Blue” the car. Both have served us well for many years and both look great despite their age.

So, we co-exist…all the inhabitants of this house…the older furniture and the older people. Seems right somehow. I am glad I decorated it to suit my taste, despite the neutrals. It has an old world feel to it. Yeah, I like it a lot!

I just realized…we are a patriotic house…RED (sofa), WHITE (walls) and BLUE (Old Blue the car). Think I may just sing America the beautiful!

I hope your 4th of July was wonderful! We sure enjoyed ours.

Until next time….

Thank You to a FRIEND!

I recently was invited to a friend’s home for a light lunch. She and I have known each other for many years now, but we have always visited in the company of others. She is beautiful inside and out! She is intelligent, witty, lively, deep thinking, incredibly talented in designing just about anything, and can often physically orchestrate what she creates in her mind by her own hands.

In all the time we have known each other, we have enjoyed each other’s presence, but again it was most generally always as part of a group or gathering, be it small or large. We have been to each other’s home, but always in the presence of a few friends. Being invited one on one to her home was new because, again, this has not happened on the part of either of us suggesting it, despite the many years.

She was just finished with the remodel of her home. Let me be clear…her remodel and the “refreshing” my husband and I have been doing at our place lately are not even remotely in the same category. She and I have different size bank accounts, (we are long retired) and she and her husband are still enjoying an income, so for her, the redo was only limited by what she could imagine (and her imagination is limitless).

For us it was a matter of fresh paint and taking down old curtains to put up new. To my delight, as I was shown all her new applications (which, by the way, are drop dead gorgeous) I did not find myself feeling jealous or envious. I was just very happy for her. She did an outstanding job!

Through the years, and through all of our moves, I have been invited into all types and sizes of homes. I have seen some that are are a lot larger and more imposing than hers. But I have never seen a more beautifully appointed home! It was pure pleasure to walk around and see what she has accomplished. I don’t think there is one square inch of their home that did not have an updated look brought in. The things that remained from before were arranged a little differently and she has surrounded herself with all the things she loves best. It was a joy to just take it all in.

We sat down for lunch, and then afterward, she invited me into her sitting room to visit. She showed me a new painting on her wall which was beautiful in its simplicity and its soft lovely hues. I was surprised to hear her tell me that she had painted it. Later, as I was leaving, she told me she had painted another picture in her formal living space which was an appealing abstract. At this point, I turned to her and asked, “Do you spend a lot of time by yourself?” She paused and then said “Yes I do”. (Of course I knew the answer before she responded because, in order to create, every creative person needs time and space to do what they do, whether it is writing, painting, decorating, landscaping , or wherever a persons passion lies.) It was fun to realize that one thing we have in common is that we both paint. We just use different tools and my canvas is a lot larger. ūüėŹ

Earlier, as we were visiting over lunch, I told her how much I was enjoying our one on one conversation, and introduced the fact that I do not feel comfortable in large groups because no conversation goes uninterrupted, and no deep or profound thoughts are exchanged. It is just not possible. However,a lot of people in one room invites a person to meet new people that you would not have the opportunity to otherwise meet. This certainly is a positive that comes from a group gathering, so these gatherings do serve a good purpose. That said, it is not my preferred path to friendship. As she and I conversed, she shared in return that she felt much the same way as I do. We both love and enjoy people, we are both animated and gregarious when we are with others, but we both agreed that we only need so much of that. As I told her, my dance card is nearly full! I always keep a couple of dance slots open just in case another kindred spirit comes along and aligns with mine. We both love our quiet time at home where we can read, paint, write, decorate, landscape and just “be”.

Once I took my leave and arrived home, I was pleased to note that I was happy to be here too! It means I am content with my lot in life. She lives in a gorgeous home on a hill and I live in a lovely little cottage. We are both blessed.

She grew up in a similar background to mine in a small midwestern town. Her value system is much the same as mine. I love her mind, the way she expresses herself and I love her heart. I guess one could say our one on one visit went very well.

Long ago, in a different time and place, friends used to entertain in their homes. Women would sit down over a cup of coffee and share what was on their minds about families, friends, themselves and just life in general. People don’t do that so much anymore because it is easier to meet at a restaurant. This is unfortunate because communing with a friend in a home where one lives gives you a sense of who they are just by taking in their surroundings. It doesn’t matter who has what or who has more when you are with a friend. What really matters is that they are sharing a piece of themselves within their most loved of spaces, their home. This is where true bonding begins.

Thank you dear friend! You know who you are by now if you have read this. This, I think, is the longest thank you card I have ever written and is probably the longest thank you card in the history of thank you cards which is why it was not possible for me to write this out in ink on paper. But, hey! You can print it and save it for your rainy day blues box, right? I wrote it publicly because it serves as a message to others that sharing our inner sanctum is a symbol of opening our arms to a deeper friendship.

I thank you for all I have just now noted, but most of all I thank you for opening your home to me. Few of us do this anymore and I am grateful for your time and the sharing of your space. Sitting in your surroundings, I know you a little better now. I like you even more than I did before and that says a lot!

Love and hugs,

Jjb

Life’s journey

When I was growing up in the 1950’s and 60’s, I had the good fortune of living in a community of hardworking common people. I suppose by today’s standards we would have been considered borderline poor, but we had a roof over our head, soft beds, people who loved us and our tummies were always full due to home cooked meals and mouth watering baked goods provided by our “housewife” mothers. We were happy in our world because for the most part, the people we saw and spent time with were content with their lot in life. No one had a lot, but we all had enough.

We were taught respect…for our elders, our teachers, our Pastors, and each other. We were not allowed to express our displeasure in an unpleasant way. Civility was encouraged. No! Civility was demanded.

We knew where we stood competitively because only the best and brightest were awarded. Those of us who did not place well in whatever event we were in, accepted the fact that we just did not do as well as those who won. This was where we learned the “specialness” of high achievers, and where we were left to ponder if we wanted to increase our efforts to do better, or if we just accepted our loss as a reality of the limits of our ability. Were we content to be average if we tried our best and still lost? Yes! Average was respected too. As Abraham Lincoln said, “God must have loved the common man because He made so many”. Because there are so many common people, there tends to be comfort in numbers and we enjoyed our life and what we had been given. We were content to know those who excelled and enjoyed watching what their success brought to them. We were realistic about life not being fair and we were realistic that we could live with that.

Before the days of mass media, our world was limited to our local communities and so our awareness of sickness, poverty, and death was also limited. The news was on a couple of times a day and most of us children never watched it because it was “boring”. We were able to grow up in a world where our belief system was supported by those around us and I can honestly say, I do not remember anyone being angry with the world. In fact, sometimes it was the child from the poorest circumstance who was the nicest and most generous because they learned early on that their personal wants and desires were not as important as the greater needs within the family.

Here we are now, 60 plus years from the days when I grew up. As a society, we have never had more financially or materially than we do now and sadly, we see more anger than gratitude, more “me” than “you”, more pride in self, and ego is running rampant. These days our society tends to place more importance on our children than our aging parents. Even while most parents and grandparents understandably tend to love and lavish praise on their children and grandchildren, wouldn’t it be better if these same children were taught that love is nice in the receiving but BLESSED in the giving?

I guess my point to this is that sometimes less IS more. If we learn to live with less we are free to enjoy the things in life that are outside the parameter of “what is in it for ME?” There are no easy answers to fixing our anger infused society, but in all truth, teaching acceptable behavior begins at home. There used to be a saying about children needing attention. It was said that if a child couldn’t get attention by being good, they were likely to get attention by being bad.

Love your children with all your heart, but at the same time one should teach the dangers and destruction of self importance. It is absolutely o.k. to be average. The average person has a lot to contribute to this society. Life itself is not a competition to see who is the best, brightest, or most noticed. Rather it is a journey down a road to self growth. We never grow during the perfect times. We grow through our challenges. There are no man made awards for humility….no man made awards for the humble. These awards are reserved for our almighty Creator to present to us when our life is finished. What we should really want for our children is, at the end of their life, for God to say “Well done, my child, your life on earth was well lived!”

 

Jjb/2018

Enough, just enough! 


A long time ago I read a story about two little girls turning pages in a catalog shortly before Christmas.  Thinking back, I realize it was a good example of life, showing how perspective can change how we see the everyday blessings we enjoy.  These two  little girls were inside their warm home during a blustery cold snowy day outside. They sat on the floor near the hearth of a crackling warm fire and entertained themselves by looking at pictures in some catalogs that had just arrived in the mail. The older one, around 7 years old, was turning pages and pointing at various things she liked.  She was saying “I want Santa to bring me this…and this…and this.”  The younger girl, around age 3 was also turning pages but as she pointed at different pictures, she said, “I have this…and this..and this!”  I have always remembered this because it details how we arrive in the world grateful for all things given to us, but then as time passes we grow so accustomed to receiving things, without realizing it,  we begin to want more and more and more! 

Today is a good day and my heart is full.  I am content and happy and grateful. We went to church this morning and sang wonderful old time hymns.  Everyone must have enjoyed the familiarity of these hymns today because we practically raised the rafters of our church with the volume of our voices.  Afterwards we stopped at a delicious little taco shop (Torchys Tacos) and ordered breakfast tacos.  Yum! I got to sit next to my handsome husband at the taco bar and just enjoyed being in his presence. As time marches on I find that  I want to savor every single moment the two of us have been given to be together, because one just never knows. 

 Like most people in this life I have had disappointments and unfulfilled dreams.  I did not get a life like my Grandmothers had where they lived in a small, rural community surrounded by their children and grandchildren. Because I was a part of their life’s picture, I grew up assuming that when I got old, I too, would live like they did with many of my Grandchildren visiting our home and sitting around our Christmas tree every year, but life didn’t dish that up for me!  In modern times, we are a very mobile society and my family is as mobile as they come. As it has turned out,  I didn’t get to live near all my children, nor near our only two Grandchildren.  But, thankfully, we do enjoy having one of our children here in town.  He is the blessing God granted us so we can know how it feels to hop in the car on a moments notice and meet him and his fiancee’ for dinner, or for them to stop by for a quick visit.   He and she are here every holiday so Al and I always have some semblance of family around our table.  Thank you God for small (big) blessings. 

Frequently, I see pictures upon pictures of grandchildren and Grandparents on fb who are routinely enjoying life together….three generations, always communing as happy well connected family’s.  Interestingly, I am happy for my friends who get frequent contact with their offspring. I understand the joy that must come with that. 

A long time ago, I learned how to let go of the 7 year old girl within me who yearned for this and this and this.  I decided that it was destructive to my inner peace to want what was not ever going to happen.  So, I tuned into my three year old self and focused on the facts of the blessings I do have in this life.  I was soon saying, “I have this, and this and this….”  As a child, I had wonderful Grandmothers who I dearly loved who dearly loved me back. I was blessed with the most amazing Mother who embodied the most fabulous mixture of perfect motherly imperfection.  I learned a lot through her journey in life because she shared the good AND the bad with me.  We always had an open door of communication. I also hit the all time lottery pay off when I met and married my husband of nearly 45 years because he loves me exactly as I am, worts and all!  Isn’t that all any of us want in this life?……to be loved and cherished exactly as we are?

We have a comfortable home, food on the table, and there is always love in the air.  How could I dare mourn the things I wanted but did not get in this life?  The lacks in our life are every bit as important to our growth of character as the blessings are because it is through our lacks and lesssons where we learn to appreciate what we DO have, and all that God has blessed us with..  

Frankly said, we must experience thirst to appreciate the gift of water don’t we?  We have to be hungry to appreciate the blessing of food. We need to be exhausted to appreciate a nice soft bed. We need to have been ignored and have had our feelings hurt in order to feel and embrace the love and joy of being recognized and appreciated. 

Our life was meant to have contrast so we do not take things for granted. No, I most certainly did not get “it all”  in this life, but what I got was enough. I have enough shelter, food, water and comfort.  I have enough relationships, enough friendship, enough family and enough love.  I have just enough of everything.  My cup is not overflowing from all the things I ever wanted, but it does overflow with all the things I “need” to make me a more compassionate, loving, caring, empathetic and better human being.  How could I ever know to give comfort if I had never been hurt in my life? People who get an over abundance of blessings don’t necessarily see the suffering around them because they haven’t experienced it themselves.  You can’t understand  what you don’t experience for yourself. I am sitting  in my chair next to my husband who is sitting in his chair and we are listening to old time music. Most Sundays my heart is full. We have a wonderful Pastor and Minister  of Music who in glorifying God create an emotionally uplifting experience. If God asked me today to name the things I don’t have in this life, I would say to Him, “I didn’t get everything I wanted in this life Lord, but what I got was just perfect for making me the way you wanted me to be.  I have been given enough and I thank you for this most perfect blend of gifts bestowed onto me.  I also thank you for the “lacks” in my life, for these were where I learned to become a better person.   It turns out the lacks really are blessings after all!” 

Oh, and thank you for the gift of OLDER me to me! I enjoy me more now as an old lady than I did when I was a young woman.  I am more forgiving and accepting of my flaws now that I am older, because I know that these, too, are part of your grand design! 



Jjb 10/15/2017

Friends or Acquaintances

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My New Years resolution is to use wisdom in how I interact with people.

There are some people in our life who are rays of sunshine who reflect back to us what we give out, much like a mirror. I have heard it said that our friends are the mirror to our soul.

Then there are those who give little in return to a relationship, where the burden of staying in touch falls on you. If you find yourself in the position of always being the initiator, even if they always say yes, then it is best if you understand they are not all that interested or invested in you. It is to these people My New Years resolution gives a nod.

Life is short. Spend it with those who make you glad you took the time to spend it with them, even if you are commiserating about something sad. It isn’t difficult to tell the difference between your acquaintances and your friends. With one group you KNOW you are loved. With the other you wonder about the depth of their feeling for you.

Thank you God for allowing me to meet my fair share of true friends. Acquaintances are good too Lord, I just need to remember who resides in each category and then invest in the ones who reflect back to me a happiness about my existence. This applies to everyone in my life!
I am so glad I made it to 2017!     Hallelujah to that!

Amen  (jjb) january 1, 2017

Creature Comfort! 

Al went for a walk by the water and I chose to stay in the hotel to relax. ¬†We are meeting friends for lunch, so I wanted to take a shower and press my clothes. Traveling is fun and exciting, but every once in a while, I need to center myself. ¬†I need to just “be” so I decided to let my spirit lead the way after he shut the door behind him.

Is there anything in the world that feels better than a hot shower and a scrub down with scented shampoo and a rich bar of soap? ¬†As I stood there this morning, ¬†I thought, “No! There is nothing better than this. ¬†THIS is the ultimate of creature comforts.”

Then I thought about my first cup of hot coffee this morning and how much I enjoyed the aroma wafting through the air as it was processing.  That first sip?  Ahhhhh!  Nothing better.

UNLESS,  you are eating a nice hot scone with melted butter on top followed by that swallow of hot coffee.   Mmmmm!

Then there was a chill in the room so I put on my old, thick, comfy robe!  Nice!  Snuggle bunny nice!

Creature comforts is what life always comes down to in making a person happy.

How nice it is to know a bed is ready and waiting for you when you are exhausred and need some sleep. Getting into your  big soft bed with feather down blankets, where you can burrow down deep beneath is like returning to your mothers womb. Ahhh!  Now that is nice!

Coffee and conversation in the morning with your loved one has its own special reward because you know that you are number one in another persons life.

It doesn’t really matter where it is you find yourself on any given day as long as you are surrounded by those who love you. ¬†For me? ¬†This means Al. ¬†Whether we are home or away….this creature finds comfort with him at my side.

No matter where a person travels,

no matter the beautiful sights one sees,

none of it would be at all special,

if you were not right here with me!

Snail Mail

Never underestimate the power of snail mail!  In December, we received word that a friend of ours had died.  We knew it was inevitable, based on the information we had received several weeks previous, but we still felt a little breathless when we received the news that he was no longer among the living. This man had been very instrumental in my husbands career and was a dynamic force to reckon with.  He was big and tall and loud and everyone loved him.  The idea that he was now forever silent was impossible to imagine. He had so many wonderful attributes and he was admired by many who had the good fortune to make his acquaintance and we loved him as much as everyone else.

I didn’t get a card off to his wife immediately because I wanted to take time to write down our memories and very fond feelings for him in a way that had meaning for her.  I knew that she would be inundated with a flood of cards in the aftermath of his death and was certain she would not miss one from us with all that was going on.

Finally in late January, I had the time to sit down and compose a letter that included some fun memories we had about both she and her husband from many years ago and about our feelings of gratitude for their impact on our life.  I sent it to their home in Arizona and for whatever reason, it came back to us.  So it sat on the buffet for another week or two until I got in touch with someone who knew where I could send it where she would receive it.  Once I got that address, I sent it off in late February.  I did not expect any kind of a response.  I was only hoping that she would receive it so that she could feel happy that two more people  were offering her their love and well wishes and great sympathy.

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It is now May and just the other day, my phone registered a missed call but no message from an unfamiliar number.  I didn’t think too much of it….just that it was probably some unwelcome marketing call.  Then, later in the day,  I got another call from the same number, only this time with a voicemail attached. Surprisingly, it turned out that it was from our widow friend.  When we finally connected, and after a time of playing catch up on our lives, she told me this day was her 59th wedding anniversary to her husband and that she had spent the day reading through her memorial cards from her husbands funeral.  My memorial letter was one of the ones she read.  On my letterhead, I had put my phone number and my husbands phone number along with our address, encouraging her to give us a call anytime, never dreaming she would actually do so, because it had been 20 years since we had seen each other.

But, there she was on other end of the phone and the 20 years melted away as we talked and caught up. phone_photoIt was such a lovely conversation and she shared withi me how much she enjoyed receiving this old fashioned snail mail because she could save it and bring it out to read any time she so desired.  She was so happy to read the words more than once, words that brought her husband back to life for her in the small amount of time she spent reading the letter.

Interestingly, during this same time, I also received a letter in the  mail from a good friend in the north country.  I couldn’t imagine what it was until I opened it and lo and behold it was a very belated Christmas letter along with pictures of her three children and multiple grandchildren.  It was SO unexpected and because it hadn’t arrived in the crush of Christmas mail, we were able to leisurely read the letter and look at the picture and enjoy seeing how much their family had expanded and to read of what each was doing.

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Snail mail!  There is still so much value in the art of a hand written letter.  Whenever I get a thank you note from our daughter, my heart does a flutter because I delight in seeing her penmanship on the front of the card.  I am so pleased to see her notes because I know that when she was a little girl, I taught her how to sit down and write a personal note as a way of showing appreciation for all types of gift offerings.  She would make Emily Post so proud in this day and age of a texted thank you’s or no thank you at all!  She most certainly makes her Mother very proud.

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Well chosen cards for birthdays, anniversaries, friendship, get well, etc.,  still give a thrill to those who receive them.  Someones handwriting on the front of a piece of mail is always such a sweet thing to see, bringing about anticipation for what is inside.  The gift of words…the gift of love….the gift of expression.  It is so lovely for the recipient.  I am so glad I am still able to experience this little material piece of communication in the midst of a cyber world of words everywhere.  It is a taste of times gone by. 

 So, my dear friends….the next time you put pen to paper and write down your thoughts, when you address an envelope and attach a stamp, when you put it in your mail box and lift the little red flag, know this…….the person that you took the time to write will be opening his or her mailbox a couple of days later and will carefully carry it indoors, place it by their favorite chair, get a little cup of tea or coffee, will settle in and then begin the process of opening up this treasured piece of mail from you.  The best part?  They get to read it as many times as they want to, all the time imagining you as they look at your handwriting that is bringing to them news in your own words. Snail mail is under rated and it is one of the nicest gifts you can give to somebody!

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jjb/2016

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Immortality

I have noticed that along with social media has come an avalanche of postings from the world at large.  This new portal has come to us through a plethora of media sites and has become everyone’s stage.  To quote Shakespeare, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.”  I would say he was unto something here.

I opened my WordPress account due to encouragement from many sources.  So many of my friends who read my stories and poems would say to me “You need to write a book”.  Naturally, I enjoyed hearing this, but I took it “tongue in cheek”, so to speak.  I knew I had been blessed with the ability to write rhyme and it is a lot of fun to do as a hobby.  I also enjoyed observational writing, where I would write what I experienced day to day in journal form.  I am not presumptuous enough to think I could publish a book, but the idea of writing in a blog form appealed to me, so I took the plunge.

What is it about we humans that makes us think we are of a “few” who like to do a certain thing?  Some of us enjoy writing, painting, taking photos, singing, acting, dancing, playing an instrument…the list goes on and on, and this is just in the form of the arts. Talent abounds on our planet and it expresses itself in an endless amount of ways…science, medicine, history, art…..  I see it everywhere.  In our modern life, where the media has completely engulfed us, we would have to be blind to not see that everyone needs and wants an outlet in which to express themselves.  

I wonder if this is our way of quenching our thirst for immortality?  We want to leave our footprint behind in the world because we know our life experience is just temporary.  A basic undeniable fact is that we each have a beginning and an end to our life.  We know in our heart that in just a couple of generations, we could possibly end up being an old photograph in an old photo album and someday, someone will be looking at it asking “I wonder who this is?” In some future time and place our picture may end up in an antique shop where someone will buy it because they like the frame and when they get it home they will pull out our picture, toss it aside to be replaced with their loved ones photo! 

Is it some people’s desire to be famous so they won’t be forgotten? Abraham Lincoln said “God must have loved the common man because he made so many of them”.  I think we don’t want to be part of the forgotten masses.  We want to make our mark on the world in some way. 

Perhaps this is why modern families work so hard to be a part of their offsprings lives.  As Grandma and Grandpa are busily involved with their Grandchildren, they take comfort in knowing they are “making memories”.  We all like to think that when our time arrives to pass on to the next world, we will leave behind someone who will carry our essence around in their heart long after we have departed.  I don’t think this is all premeditated, rather, it is a deep yearning in our soul to feel that our existence has made a difference.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven, a time to be born and a time to die.” It is in dying, where we find ourselves most ambivalent, even for those of us who understand the meaning of Grace and life eternal.

So, until my demise, I shall write….I shall read good books…..I shall plant and create and love and thrive as I do.  As long as I can find a way to express myself in this world, maybe, just maybe, I will leave my world a little better place than I found it. 

Jjb/5/25/2016

Leaving Facebook behind

Leaving Facebook behind has felt challenging in this early stage of separation. ¬†I miss it¬†the most when I first get up in the morning because my habit had become a daily ritual of reading through the posts while sipping my first cup of coffee. Still now, out of sheer force of habit, I open my iPad and automatically hit the FB icon and then¬†the blank “sign in” screen pops up and glares at me as a reminder that Facebook and I¬†have amicably separated.

¬†Like all separations, it leaves a void to fill. ¬†So, I move on to check my emails and am reminded that email, which at one point had replaced snail mail as¬†the “go to” hub of modern day communication, has become a bit of a techie ghost town. ¬†When Facebook was created, people moved from email to a different way of communicating, where one could communicate with many people at one time versus one at a time. Like everything else in life, speed was the name of the game…hence “instant” messenger, or “Twitter” where one could say it quickly and briefly and move on. ¬†Faster, and ever faster we go!¬†

Despite¬†implementing¬†this new big change in my life, some things came along to encourage me. ¬†One came in the form of an email written to “only me”¬†versus writing to fb’s entire friend audience, where my sweet friend from Albuquerque wrote to tell me how much she enjoyed my writings and to share that she understood my need to leave Facebook, because she had taken the same plunge into separation from FB a while back.¬†I was very touched by her taking the time to say so. ¬†While I “write”, she takes beautiful, breathtaking photos as a hobby. ¬†She is so good at it, she could turn it into a career, but she is very busy making big bucks as a highly successful real estate agent for now, with photo ops on her time off!

There was also an email from an active Facebook cousin and friend who took the time to tell me that she would miss me! ¬†I was very surprised and very flattered that she would take the time to tell me so.¬† Makes me feel warm and fuzzy about her! ‚̧ԳŹ

Yesterday, my husband handed me a card which he brought in from the mailbox and said “I have something with your name on it!” Seriously? ¬†An honest to goodness card for ME? ¬†I opened it up and I was greeted ¬†by a card with a small water color painting on the front which was comprised of a beautiful swirl of soft pleasing colors. ¬†This friend wrote a ¬†“snail mail” note to encourage me in my writings, understanding that¬†she and I are¬†kindred spirits in our artistic endeavors. ¬†She, by adding color to her¬†life with her paintings and me by adding texture to mine with my writing. ¬†Thanks La! ¬†I love¬†it!¬†

I think what is so touching ¬†about these three instances of reaching out is that in every case it was so unexpected. ¬†I think, as human beings, one of our deepest needs is to feel that we matter in this world. ¬†I don’t think it is an ego issue, but rather a heart issue. ¬†We all want to feel as if we have made something of a difference with¬†our life, no matter how small it may be, and it is especially sweet if someone happens to notice. It is nice to know that we have touched some else’s life and it is especially rewarding when they tell you so.

So, despite this “void” left in my life in the wake of my Facebook separation, I am encouraged. ¬†I am very pleased to see that in the case of some, I still exist in their world, and for this, I am very grateful. For my entire life, I have rarely chosen to be a part of a crowd, or part of a pack. ¬†I love people, I am very gregarious, but I am always most comfortable with a ¬†few select friends. ¬†One on one is my favorite way of communicating. ¬†Cast of thousands? Not so much! ¬†Yet, in a way, Facebook was that cast of thousands! ¬†So many “friends” made the friendship soup a little thin on flavor because there was never the time to dig very deep into any relationship.

Please don’t misunderstand me! ¬† I am not saying Facebook is a bad thing. ¬†Not at all! ¬†I loved my relationship with FB for a long, long time and still think of it fondly. ¬†This recent¬†separation had much more to do with my inability to pace myself on this site. ¬†Will I be missed? ¬†Maybe by a few, but when I wonder about this, I think of an analogy my Mother used to share with me about ego and self importance. ¬†She said, “if you ever start feeling smug about your importance to others, stick your hand into a pail of water and pull it out. ¬†Look for the impression you have left behind and look at how quickly your space has been filled. ¬†That, my dear, is how life really is”. ¬†She was a positive person by nature, so she wasn’t trying to be negative at all……just realistic. ¬†I do believe she was right. One should live with humility and without assumption. ¬†This way, the little encouragements we receive in life will appear here and there to give us joy, much like any unexpected, beautifully ¬†wrapped gift does.¬†

So, now that I have filled my Facebook time with my writing and my coffee has been consumed it is time to get on with my day! I have extra time on my hands so now I get to decide what to do with it. ¬†One thing for sure…..it’s a great day to be aIive in my world! ¬†Blessings to you!

Making memories

It is early enough in the day that the sun is not yet showing its face.  The house is so quiet that I can hear the refrigerator humming.  The clock is chiming six times and the family has just left for the airport. After almost a week of busy family socializing, our son and grandchildren are going back to their lives in the north country  as we remain in ours in the south. It has been a good visit, probably one of our best visits to date. I think about this now as I sip my coffee and reminisce over their time here.  What made this particular visit so special?  Well, for one thing, the girls are now old enough at 10 and 13 for us to relate to on an almost equal basis.  They are far more mature than I ever was at their age.  We can chalk that up to good parenting and modern times.  Because of their maturity, they do not seem to need to express themselves in exaggerated ways as so many kids seem to do these days.  They are comfortable communicating with people of all ages,  and here again one can give credit to their parents.  These girls just ooze a quiet self confidence that is a joy to be around.

For so many years I felt out of the loop as a Grandparent because of the distance that separates us.  They live in the far north and we live in the far south.  I have wonderful memories of living very near to my grandparents and I somehow felt I needed to replicate that, so it was disappointing to realize I would not have the same opportunities of frequent overnight sleepovers, baking cookies, flipping pancakes, and just hanging out on a whim! I remembered how much time our parents spent with our children as well and here too, I wasn’t able to keep up, once again  due to geographical constraints.

But…..our parents did leave us with one thing that we could pass down to the next generation no matter where we all lived! Our beloved family game of Peruvian Rummy.  We taught the girls last spring when they were 9 and 12 and it has caught on with them like a house on fire.  They both LOVE this game!  We love this game too, so it makes us good allies during vacation time.  We played 10 games while they were here and each game consists of 5 hands so the game is not quickly over.  It takes strategy and thinking on the part of each person so there is a lot of down time at the table to relax in between plays.  The game certainly strengthens ones math skills with all of the counting involved.  Conversation flows.  Music is played on the IPad, each person picking their favorite artist so as we continue with our plays, we listen to Willie Nelson, Linda Ronstadt, Megan Traynor, Adele, and Aerosmith as the hands are played.  Can you see the generational choices in the music with three generations playing cards and choosing music?  We learn about each other’s taste in music and learn names of singers from times gone by and brand new chart toppers.  We learn to appreciate something we had not considered before, opening up our minds to another generation’s preferences.  It is fun because as the three generations play cards, each one offers thoughts on music, musicians, taking turns, strategy and so on.  It is the perfect dynamic to bond.  Each persons personality comes to the foreground as the game progresses and I find myself pleased to see how honest and generous and patient these girls are with each other and the rest of us.  They laugh when they win a hand and commiserate with another person playing who has a bad hand and is “smoked” or “skunked” (game talk for losing big).  But, we all know that we get another chance in the next hand to redeem ourselves, so we plod along!

It has been a good visit!  Grandma did manage to cook some foods they seemed to love. We had a fire in our outdoor fireplace, we hung out on the giant hammock chair, we lounged in the outdoor hot tub, and we played lots and lots of cards!    A simple truth is that we are not our own Grndparents from long ago.  We are just who we are in this day and age, and these  memories will be THEIR memories, not recycled memories from long ago! Their grandfather, my husband, is every bit as good of a grandfather as he was a father and that is saying something.  I have long admired his loving and gentle ways with our children and now admire his ways with our Grandchildren.  Our son has become just like his father and I can feel my heart swell.  How did I get so lucky as to fall in the midst of all of this?

So, the moral of this story?  Enjoy your good memories from long ago.  Take them out and savor them whenever you feel the need to be close to someone you once loved who is no longer here.  But, for now, all we really have is today, and we should make the most of it without comparisons or expectations built on the foundations of the past.  WE will be the Grandparents in the memories of our children and grandchildren someday…so it is wise to make memories that are as unique to them as we are.  One just never knows what it is that our Grandchildren will hold near and dear to their hearts.  But there is one thing that is sure.  It is in how you make them feel loved when they are with you which they will keep close to their heart all their life.   It seems that our legacy may just be in the sound of shuffling cards and I am o.k. with that! 

Jjb/2016

  
  

Green, Green Grass of Home

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I slept as if in a coma last night.  Al and I were outside yesterday, gardening behind where our very old, very large live oak tree grows on the front corner of our property. Our driveway wraps around behind this area from one street to the other street that intersect at our corner lot.  Our house sits low from the street.  THE TREE is magnificent!  Depending on who you ask, it is estimated to be 1-200 years old.  I don’t know if this is a correct guess on the trees age, but I do know that THIS tree has a commanding presence on our property and we love it!

We built our home 18 years ago and over this time, we have been planting all the open grounds of our property. It has been fun “creating” while adding to the beauty of our community.  For my part, I wanted our property to resemble a place in the country, so a LOT of planting has occurred over the years.  Our neighbors like the look and often tell us so, which pleases us very much.

Thirteen years ago the first of our two grandchildren was born.  Oh, my, how exciting that time was for us!  We went crazy and bought a plethora of baby supplies and furniture in anticipation of many imagined visits to our home.  In our excitement, we didn’t think to take into account the huge distance between where we live and where our Granddaughters live.  We also did not take into account the careers in education of our son and daughter in law..  Had we done so, we could have saved ourselves a lot of disappointment in unrealistic expectations. But, since life is all about learning lessons, we had many lessons ahead of us, and they were not necessarily going to be easy ones.

Our front corner is somewhat symbolic of our aspirations in grand parenting and in our determination to make an impact in the lives of our granddaughters.  The land on which our house is built is solid rock.  Many times when I have put my shovel into the earth and pressed down with my foot, it would only go so far before I would hear the clinking sound of rock. I would find myself thinking of an old hymn I used to hear in church,  “On Christ the solid rock I stand”. Over these many years, we have dug into the rock, or I should say we chopped away at the rock with our pick ax and with our “texas toothpick”,  chipping and cracking the rock that lies about 4 inches below this misleading vision of soft brown soil.  We have dislodged many large stones as we chipped away at solid limestone and caliche which is even worse than rock because it is like the most dense of rubber where it will NOT crack or chip. We brought in truck loads of dirt and compost to give our plants a chance at life. We planted and cleared according to our home drawn design.  The end result has become not only a very large tree in the center of the front corner of our property, but also a wicker swing hanging from the front of the tree. To the right of the swing are two tall poles topped with lovely and inviting birdhouses.  To the left of the swing is an arbor with a gate and a plaque with our address on it with a granite path leading to it from the street. All around the front we have planted low growing shrubs and two large patches of african iris flanking the swing.

When one opens the gate leading to the backside of the tree you will immediately see two signs.  Each sign has the name of each granddaughter with Avenue and Court added to their name.  This was supposed to be their secret garden.  Hanging down from the back of the tree is a giant hammock chair.  Leaning against the tree is a home made ladder to assist them in a climb up onto the wide horizontal branches if they so desire. Farther up in the tree is an owl house which Al bought and brought home and had installed a year and a half ago.  Last spring, when our granddaughters flew in with our son, they immediately ran up to the tree to check it out and within a couple of days, our very first owl was peeking out of the owl house.  Such excitement! They named her Kevin.  When asked how they chose that name our younger grand daughter said “I dunno, it just seems like a really good name.” During this same visit, we discovered that honey bees had taken up residence in the front eave of our house.  We ended up having to have a bee keeper come out to remove them which was a new experience for all of us.  More excitement!

As fun as all of this was for everyone, the truth is, we only get to enjoy grandchildren at our home once a year for somewhere between 5-7 days.  That is it!  This is the result of our move to Texas 18 years ago. It is also because only one of our children gave us grandchildren, and also because our only grandchildren live in Minnesota.  This is how this part of our life has been dealt to us. My husband and I fly up or drive up to Minnesota twice a year to spend time with their family.  They come here once a year.  Add this together and we see our granddaughters three….times…..a….year!  Yup!  That is how it it is! 

Our granddaughters see their maternal grandparents on a very frequent basis.  Our son has become close to his wife’s family which pleases us because it gives him family to associate with near by.  All of his family of origin now lives in Texas and have all been here for a long time.  The difficult part for us is the feeling that because of time and place and circumstance, and because of decisions we made long ago, his wife’s family enjoys all the blessings close proximity brings with it and we miss out on so much.

This does not mean he does not love us anymore because I know he does.  He shows his love in emails, texts and phone calls.  He comes down once a year to spend time with us.  What it does mean, though, is that 18 years ago, without us realizing it at the time, our move to Texas would alter our family life forever. We never have a holiday with all of our children at one table at the same time. We do celebrate our holidays in Texas with our other children, but here too, there are other families to consider, now that they are grown up and have become involved in the fabric of their loved ones families as well.  We know that our  grandchildren will have no Norman Rockwell holiday picture memories with their Texas Grand parents at the holiday dinner table.  I guess the big question here is, IS it REALLY all that important? Perhaps it is time to tell Norman Rockwell to take a hike! 

Now, let me say this!  Contrary to how other people’s lives are sometimes presented to us in the perfection of the happy pictures we see, we KNOW that nobody “gets it all”.  So many on this earth deal with disappointment and devastating illness, and occasionally heart wrenching loss.  So, OUR issue of having long distance grandchildren shouldn’t really count as one of life’s problems.

Yesterday, in anticipation of an upcoming visit, we were busy enlarging the backside area of our big tree to make more room for the girls to swing in larger and wider arcs without intersecting with bushes.  Yes, we even dug up and removed some the the bushes we planted long ago, in honor of our granddaughters visit.  We were so pleased with how it turned out, that even as we hobbled down the driveway to the house in a state of happy exhaustion, we knew we were READY!

Our son told us a while ago that the day after they arrive in Austin, they wanted to drive to Dallas for a couple of days so the girls could see where his sister, their Aunt lives. Lovely idea! Our daughter was thrilled.  Then yesterday, when we got into the house and opened the computer. We saw an email from him. He told us he would also possibly be attending a sporting event in which his wife’s nephew was participating, which would be played up in Dallas  (4 hours from here) and depending on the wins, it may last 4 of the 7 days they had planned to be in Texas. The sports event is a very, very big deal as a play off resulting from a college season consisting of mostly wins. Our son wanted to support his nephew by attending the games with his daughters.  We totally understand the importance of this, but our selfish side was pouting.  We were thinking, he is flying all the way to Texas for spring break and still ends up spending more time with his wife’s family than with us.  Do we sound like petulant children?  Probably….but it was disappointment rearing its ugly head.  

We took a while to absorb this new possibility in the upcoming visit.  Ultimately, as Al and I discussed this, I said,   “In the end, we all have to sweep aside the disappointments that clutter the view of our blessings right here and now.  It is only in our prayers for grace where we will find acceptance of the things not handed to us.   As I did the mental sweep of this latest disappointment, there it was!  THE BLESSING so long and strong and still present in our life!  The blessing of our son taking the time and absorbing the cost of flying the girls to Texas see us.  It shouldn’t matter about how long the visit, but rather the fact that there is a visit in the first place.  We get to enjoy the blessing of seeing our son.  We get to enjoy the blessing of a family with grandchildren.   Al and I have a long and enduring marriage and get to spend a great deal of time with each other.  All of our children are busy and productive members of society.  We are clear about their love for us. We just don’t get to have the picture perfect lives that others tell us they have when describing their life.  We realize that we cannot and should not have all that our hearts desire in this life.  So a way to deal with the disappointments is to keep sweeping them aside like one sweeps a floor.  Sweep, sweep them all up into a mental dustpan, and dispose.  Floor looks good again.  Life looks good again too when we do this, because once again we are choosing to give our blessings front row seats in our mind.

While we are tending to  the beautiful green of our gardens and the small patch of grass that graces the front of our house, our appreciation for the green that exists here in our own front yard means we are not paying attention to the color of anyone else’s grass.   So, our little secret garden with the great big hammock swing won’t be used as long as we had imagined on this trip?  SO WHAT?  It will be used and enjoyed by the girls whatever length of time they are here and so we choose to be content with that.

After they have boarded the plane and gone back north, Al and I will get into our giant hammock chair and lean way back.  We will swing in long, low, sweeping arcs, all the while looking up at the long, curvy branches of our old oak tree.  As we do this I know we will begin to feel our inner child come back into our life and this child will definitely enjoy our secret garden.  After all, it was this child who helped us design and create this space in the first place. We built this area for children to enjoy and never realized that not only would our grandchildren enjoy this space, but so would our very own inner child.  Life is like that isn’t it?  From moment to moment, you never know how the blessings will present themselves.  I think I will order two more signs with our name on them.

 “Al Avenue” and “Juanita Way” has a nice ring to them, don’t you think?

This musing is about keeping our expectations in life realistic and making the most of the life one gets.  There is so much out there to be grateful for…especially adult children who are making their own way in this world, who are good people, good citizens and good family.

Oh, and when I was s peaking of grass?  Life is good as long as we are still walking on the grass versus laying beneath. Amen to that!

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Going back….moving forward!¬†

  Yesterday, I was having coffee with a long time friend and as always, our conversation went all over the place because we had so much to catch up on.  There was a part of the conversation that really caught my attention.  She was talking about her Mother and Dad who are in their 90’s and on the precipice of needing some assistance in their daily living.  They live in Arizona where they moved many, many years ago.  My friend was struggling with some of the upcoming decisions needing to be made and it was apparent that the geography between them was complicating the issues.  She said with emotion, “they left us, we didn’t leave them”.  She also said that when her parents come to Minnesota to visit, they expect everyone to drop everything they are doing to spend time with them, not taking into account that the people they left behind have lives to live and schedules to keep.  I know she was just venting because we all get stressed when dealing with our parents aging related issues….It can be a real energy zapper. I would say that every one of us who has dealt with aging parents has hit the wall at one point or another.  My friend has always been extremely good to her parents in so many ways. It is just the nature of the beast.   I was making mental notes as the conversation continued.  Life has a way of handing us messages and lessons through conversations with our friends.

The conversation stayed with me because I started to wonder about the possibility of family feeling this way about our visits back home.  In all truth, I don’t let go of relationships easily because each friendship is so important to me.  I always want to make sure my friends know they matter to me.  I know…it is a quirk of mine, but it is how I am put together.  Moving to Texas wasn’t really what we wanted to do, but at the same time, we didn’t feel we had another option! The changes in upper management at the company where my husband was employed was making it obvious that his job was at risk of being eliminated.  We decided we needed to leave behind what was supposed to be our final home, and the small town we were in, and get to a larger city in his territory just to be where we would have other options in employment should he lose his job.  As it turned out, we made the right decision because he lost his high level job within 3 years of our move.  Because we were now in a large city, he was able to find alternate employment.  The down side was that our oldest son, though still single, decided not to follow us to Texas because he said “I am a 4 seasons kind of guy”.  Texas wasn’t for him. That was a huge disappointment for me, but I respected his feelings. 

So, our new life began!  Over all, it has been a very, very good life, but like the proverbial stone thrown into a still lake, the move created many ripples from the initial plunge.  We left behind our son, extended family, life long friends, and everything that was familiar to us.  One of the deepest tendencies in my nature is to hang on to the familiar so we just keep coming back north to visit and stay engaged with long time friends.  Naturally, we have a desire to be a part of our sons families’ life because we want a relationship with our granddaughters, so that is first and foremost on our mind when we come back.  The bonus, when we come to visit them, comes to us where we have a plethora of family and friends we can see while here.  We can’t see everyone because of time constraints, but we will usually choose who we connect with based on those who express interest in getting together. 

As she was talking about her parents, I found myself wondering if our son felt the same way as she did.  Did he see our move as us leaving HIM, when we left Minnesota? I have talked with him about the move so many times and explained as best I could that while we chose to make the move, it wasn’t a choice we made easily, nor one we even really wanted to make, and we were extremely sad to leave him behind.  He has always seemed very nonplussed by the whole thing. He was already a teacher when we left.  Now he is in a good career, has a great wife and children, and for the most part, seems very happy because his life is very, very full.  Yet,  I feel obligated to hold onto the guilt factor none the less.

Coming back here to visit has been so nice because we can stay in touch with friends we once had. However, now I think……do some people feel as if we “expect” them to drop everything when we come home?  I have never thought of it that way before, and we certainly do not expect anything of the sort.   Generally speaking, we just like to touch base with those we care about and enjoy.  Maybe this constant visiting in the north has stood in the way of our fully living our life in Texas.  God knows we love where we live.  We LOVE where we live, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love where we used to live as well.  

Moving forward….this is what life is all about.  All my life I have read and heard that one should bloom where we are planted, that we are NOT to live in the past, and that we should not look at the road behind but to the road ahead.  I think this discussion about my friends parents (innocently on her part), was somehow meant as a message to me (to live more fully in the life we are NOW in). As difficult as it has always been for me to let go, I feel I need to break that particular habit and proceed to enjoy my life in the present without guilt hovering at the edges of my psyche’. I love a well known phrase that goes like this…

“YESTERDAY IS HISTORY, 

TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY, 

TODAY IS A GIFT 

WHICH IS WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT!  
  
Amen and AMEN to that!  I shall work on concentrating on the gift of today.  We did what we needed to do long ago and it is time to make peace with it!  I mostly live in “the day” these days anyway, but it never hurts to be reminded that this moment is all we are sure of and it should be spent looking to the future, not the past.

  

Coming to the Realization!

  
It is interesting to me as a mother, formerly a full time, stay at home mother, now in her later years, how long it took for me to acknowledge or even understand that our children are doing just fine without our help. I think a contributing factor to my failure to see this may be that these children were my biggest and maybe only significant contribution to the world.   I must say that because I embraced my role as their caretaker, teacher and full time nurse with great enthusiasm, and because I dearly loved the domestic role I was in, it never occurred to me that one day the role would end. Somehow, I imagined myself as an ongoing contributing editor in their life, and I was, long after there was any need or desire on my children’s part for me to be so.  

Fortunately, as life has moved along, I rediscovered other interests and talents that had been shelved in the process of raising children.  I love to write!  I enjoy putting together rhythmic poems and short stories.  I love writing my musings and reflections on life even while I know that they may lay unread forever after they are written.  It doesn’t really matter to me though, because for me, writing is such a passion I will write anyway, just for the exercise of it. It is cathartic, somehow, to put my thoughts down on paper.  I do this because of my love of language both verbal and written.  My soul wants to speak and writing gives it that platform!

I also discovered that I have a love of landscaping and have spent most of my adult life planning vignettes, carving out the earth, digging holes, and planting.  Being a gardener and landscaper is somewhat an extension of mothering because it requires planting  the seeds, nourishing them and training them up the way you think would be to their best benefit! .  I love watching my gardens grow in every sense of that old, worn out phrase.  My plants are my children too, and I love them dearly. 

I enjoy traveling which is a gift my husband has given to me.  “Road tripping” he calls it, and I wasn’t sure this was something I would really enjoy.  But, as we traveled the highways and byways of the United States, it brought to life so many things I had only previously read about or pictures I had seen.  We got to see oceans, rivers, water falls , canyons, mountains, deserts, prairies, cities, and houses of all architectural varieties and style and size.  It has been like a living, breathing beautiful story of this great country and continues to be so.

Needless to say, we are not bored in retirement.  But, out of habit, I wanted to check in on the nests of my offspring just to make sure all was o.k. with them.  It is!  It is a significant moment in a parents life when you realize your children’s well chosen careers which have allowed for them to live a larger life than ours, while living in more substantial homes than we have, as they drive newer and more expensive cars than we do. They are now definitely making more money than we make in retirement.  On top of all of this, it is especially gratifying to realize that they are all penny pinchers, not because they have to be, but because they want to be. They are all practical thinkers and not one of them try to keep up with the Jones’s as the old cliche’ goes.  They really don’t care what other people do for a living or how they live their life.  On this, I feel especially proud.

So, now…..it has finally happened!  I have finally come to the realization that they are all just fine in this world without our assistance, but that, happily for us, they still enjoy our company on occasion! It feels like a round trip, all expense paid ticket to an adventure awaiting us, bought and paid for with the hard work of many years of conscientious living.  

“Go! ” they say.  

“Do while you can!” they say.

“We are just fine, so don’t you worry about us,” they reassuringly tell us! 

Well, o.k.!   Guess we graduated from Parenthood and somehow we didn’t realize it had happened.  That particular job is done.  

So, off we go!  We are off and running to reclaim that young person we left by the side of life’s road when we were busy taking on the responsibilities of spouse, children, careers, hearth and home.  I wonder if we will find those two young people we were so long ago?   I think our children think they have become OUR parents in a way, so we can chuck the responsibilities we acquired and truly go out and play.    

Hey!  Wait for meeeeeeeeeeee!  I am going down that road with you at my side and I am so excited!

Jjb/copyright/2015

Parenthood

This is how I remember him……how he will always remain in my heart. ¬†My son, my first born child, my first new experience in holding a brand new life in my arms, knowing that his Father and I were responsible for protecting him and nourishing him in the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual sense of things. ¬†This miracle I held in my arms was a tiny, wriggly little life form who was totally dependant on us for his very survival.

Then, bit by bit he grew.  First he crawled, then he stood on his own two feet, then walked and ran throughout his childhood.  Life sped by!

Now he is a grown man with a wife he loves dearly, a newly minted teenage daughter of their own, and a younger 10 year daughter as well.  No more babies in this house!  He has grown into a strong, tall, handsome, bighearted man, who is ensconced in a solid career, who also enjoys the comforts of his own beautiful home.

He also….has…..GRAY hair! ¬†What? My little boy has gray hair???? ¬†REALLY? ¬†Well, he has a dusting of gray around his temples, and when I look at it, I remember my own Mother commenting when my husband began to turn gray. ¬†She said, “Isn’t it nice how Al’s hair is turning gray along his temples?” ¬†He looks SO distinguished!

Well, Mom you would also approve of your Grandsons graying hair pattern.  Christopher looks distinguished too. He is his fathers son, for sure.

When I am separated from Chris, by time and distance, this picture is how I see him in my minds eye. I see him as a young boy at play, and I always will.  He was my first foray into the world of parenting and I was too young to understand the enormity of the task facing me, this Herculean task of raising up and training this brand new human being for what the world had in store for him.

Now as I sit in HIS house on HIS sofa, typing this musing after a good nights sleep in HIS guest bedroom, I find myself sneaking peeks at this tender hearted, family loving, God fearing human being who Al and I created together with Gods hand in it, and I feel proud of who he has become.

I will never be famous. ¬†I will never be rich. ¬†My name will never be in any history book for having invented a cure for some dread disease. ¬†After I die, and as time passes, I will become an obscure photograph in some distant future descendants old family photo album, where this person will say, “this lady is my great, great, great grand……..!” ¬†So, I will become great or grand only by my blood ties to the viewer of the picture, and that is o.k. by me.

In the end, the parenting reward comes to us parents when we go to visit our children in their individual lives and we can say “This life choice is good!” A parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child, and we have been blessed with children who are doing well in this world and who are contributing their most talented and positive parts to it.

Al and I won’t be any footnote in any history books, and our children probably won’t be either, but to be able to say that these long ago children are making a difference in the world for the better as they go about living their lives makes us breathe out a long sigh of contentment. Thank you God for giving us this chance at creation and for giving us these assignments. ¬†We did the best we could. ¬†I feel sure You look at them and nod Your head in approval and so do their parents!