My heart feels like it is on fire…a deep burning sensation that comes from feeling intense emotion.

It has been such a long year since the Pandemic was first announced and along with its arrival we were given restrictions of lockdown, masks, 6 foot distancing, no hugs, no gatherings, separation from loved ones, and all of it with a heaping helping of fear laid on top.

Now we are entering the 2nd year of restrictions, and it seems as though life will never go back to what it once was. This saddens me greatly.

We have a very good friend in ICU on a ventilator and he is really struggling with double pneumonia, difficulty breathing, and low 02 levels. Please pray for a miracle. We believe in miracles and we know God has the power to grant a miracle to those who pray for them and keep the faith.

We are in our sunset years and while we have gratitude for having come this far, the journey also hands to us many challenges, not the least being, having to deal with ongoing loss. These losses are either experienced first hand or through our loved ones challenges. We notice a loss of energy, loss of strength, loss of health, loss of purpose, and loss of friends and family. The potential for loss grows exponentially the older we get, and one never becomes accustomed to it. I never realized how brave our elderly parents were until now. It takes courage to stand strong in the face of this kind of adversity.

We pray for our friend to heal and be allowed to enjoy more years with his wife, children and grandchildren! I ask anyone who is reading this to please pray for him. His name is Paul! God will know who you mean! Prayer is powerful and the more people who are praying, the better chance for a miracle!

Thank you,

jjb

Today is Saturday and I have not been on my blog for many months because life has been so incredibly busy. We were deeply affected by the freak February snow and ice storm here in Texas and we have been dealing with the destruction left in its path. We are beyond a year now into the Covid 19 Pandemic, dealing with lockdowns and face masks and limited gatherings with loved ones.

I quit Facebook a while back because I wanted to be free of (my) perceived obligation of having to post and comment on a daily basis. I worried a little bit about dropping out because I thought that I would lose touch with everyone I knew on Social Media. I actually did lose touch with the majority of my fb friends, but I have also discovered the pleasure of an engaged precious few who were getting in touch with me by other means. Gosh! To think I actually did matter to some after all! What an ego tripper! It was also a gratitude growing phenomenon in the making!

The decision to break free reminded me of a time, LONG ago, when our family was about to move to yet another new location due to my husbands career, I sat across from a friend discussing this move. She said to me, “You will be surprised at who stays in touch with you or reaches out to you. It is not always who you think it will be either! Just remember, the cream always rises to the top”. I found this comment to be prophetic and never forgot it. Indeed she was absolutely correct!

I thought I would be mourning the loss of many fb “friends” but instead, I was blessed to see who was actually invested in ME as a person. It wasn’t many, that’s for sure, but the ones who contacted me by snail mail, text, IM, phone and email, really did turn out to be the cream! It is difficult to pull back from Social Media because we humans are such social creatures. However, in my case, I discovered the value of truly connected kindred spirits at a heart level. I guess it is a bit like finding the prize in the cracker jacks box! Lol! (No disrespect intended). It has been a huge blessing! Now, with a small group of “compadres“, I actually have time to share thoughts and have intellectual conversations rather than an endless supply of sound bites that don’t mean all that much!

In this past year I have learned to “let go” of things that no longer serve me. I have always been the type of person who would hang on to people and things for sentimental reasons, probably long past their expiration date. I have especially been this way with family members. In my mind, if we were family, it meant we were bound to one another forever. I have discovered that even in families, some are more invested than others. You realize that letting go may actually be a gift to both parties.

Recently I mailed a large envelope of old pictures to someone who I thought would enjoy seeing them. I actually mailed this person two large envelopes of photos. I got no response. I wasn’t really expecting a response, because this person stepped away from the family long ago. When I had it ready for mailing, Al said, “Why bother?” I said, “Because it is always good to do the right and kindly thing and then let the chips fall where they may”. The chips fell on the side of silence. Well, o.k. then….good to know it is ok to let that one go! It frees up a lot of emotional space for someone who may be interested in that spot and can step in to it.

Value is always in the content and NOT in the numbers. I would far rather have one seriously interested and invested friend than a whole host of “fly by’s”.

Tomorrow is Easter! What a great gift we have been given by the One who is REALLY invested in our future and our well being! I love Easter and the significance of the greatest gift ever given to mankind!

This weekend I get to see my children interact with each other for the first time in a year and a half. This is the “second greatest gift” to their father and me.

I want to thank those friends who remembered me and let me know they still care. I want to thank our son who drove all the way across the country a few days ago to visit with his siblings and to help us clean up our landscape after the history making Texas February snow and ice storm! How grateful we are to be parents to someone who is that sensitive to our needs.

Darkness to light is manifested in so many soul enriching ways.

Happy Easter everyone! We are eternal souls and I am glad to have made your acquaintance. To others I have not met yet, our acquaintance is a distinct possibility. One just never knows!

With love, Jjb

4/3/2021

This has been the year of “take aways” starting in March when the pandemic was announced. As a society, we have had our jobs taken away, our facial identities were taken away by masks, and our freedoms to come and go wherever and whenever we want were taken away by the shutdown of airlines, restaurants, bars, churches, schools and the lockdowns of our own homes. Our gatherings were reduced in number and size. Adult children were taken away from their elderly parents due to quarantine of old age homes and old age in general. Our holidays were taken away due to strict covid restrictions. Basically, most anything that has been an American tradition has been eliminated in the name of covid.

We are retired, so it has not affected us as cruelly as it has some people. I sat quietly on Christmas morning listening to beautiful traditional Christmas music. Hub (husband) went for a walk and while I felt somewhat melancholy, my heart was full and my mind was overflowing with memories of Christmas’s past. Many things can be taken away from us, but we are gifted with the retention of all of our memories of a lifetime. One thing that has become a gift while living with excess time on our hands is the stillness that comes with it which allows us to seek and reacquaint ourselves with our inner spirit. Even the Bible says “Be Still…and know I am God”

Usually the Christmas season is a breathless chase of shopping, buying gifts, decorating our homes inside and out, writing cards, cooking, baking, traveling to family far and near. In all that hectic busyness, the season seems to come and go in a flash and we find ourselves collapsed in a heap of exhaustion, feeling spent after having “overspent”.

For us, very little of this occurred this year. We did manage to write cards and “hub” helped me which resulted in some friends getting two cards as our coordinating skills were failing us in our “uncoordinated” process. Lol! Oh well, two Merry Christmas’s are better than not getting even one card!

I like the quiet, and I think that some of the changes these forced lockdowns have brought to us may end up being permanent and this time they will be by choice. . This Christmas, we had the time to read the cards arriving in our mailbox and savoring the ones who wrote letters. We no longer watch t.v., so the radio or c.d.’s filled our home with Christmas music, both Christian and secular. We get to choose exactly the kind of music we love to hear, anytime we want, right off the internet and play it through our Bose speaker.

I wonder how many other retired people have found this lockdown a hidden blessing? We were plucked out of the frenetic busyness of modern day life and gently set down in our homes where we learned to enjoy all this excess time at our disposal. I have so enjoyed our home…I used to laughingly say that for all the money we spent on our home, we could have just as well have saved it because we were so seldom here to enjoy it. That changed with covid and I have found myself bonding with our surroundings in a big way. Pictures I once purchased because I fell in love with them were barely noticed in the rush of our living following the purchase. Now I stand in front of our pictures one by one and take them in. I found myself standing in front of this old wooden carved picture and as I read the woods, I sang the song in my mind and fell in love with this piece all over again.

On sunny days, I watch the suns rays move around our home as the day progresses. It lights up our eastern wall of windows in our bedroom and feels like a cheery “Rise and Shine”. As the sun moves through the sky, it’s light rays are reflected through our stain glass windows in our dining room which sends prism’s of color throughout the room. It is also reflected off the big mirror on the dining room wall which lights up the opposite side of the room. Continuing to move through the sky, it shines in through another window which lights up our fireplace brick and mantle on the far side of our family room. The sun continues its journey and finally wraps itself around the back of our house where the rays stream in through our living room’s wall of windows and I can see dust motes dancing in that stream. The brightness in that room seems to beckon us to come on in and set down for a spell.

Everything that I am now noticing in our home, I have rarely had the time or attention span to notice previously. Daily, I enjoy looking at an orchid our daughter gifted me a while back which sits on a small table in front of our dining room window.. I tenderly care for it and watch its progress from day to day. It is very happy in its warm, southerly location. Her gift to me was in her favorite color of purple, therefore, each time I glance at it, or tend to it, I think of her! (Purple gift equals love) ❤️🥰😁

My husband and I have grown closer than ever before and have rediscovered exactly how compatible we are. 🎼Love and marriage, 🎼 horse and carriage, just like the old song sings, we seem to go together. Getting old isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it is much reliant on the fact that we do still have our health and a life long loving companion to soften the realties of what aging will eventually bring to our doorstep.

I finally quit my facebook habit! After a decade of being on that site, I finally decided to put that time to better use. What I discovered was how much happier I was without it. It’s not healthy to constantly be into other peoples business, and certainly cannot lead to peace while engaging with so many people. My life, OUR life, is custom created for the two of us. Perusing facebook can somehow make a person feel as if they are “missing out” on the things other people have that we do not. This does not mean that I was jealous or envious because I was not ( well maybe just a little bit on some of it). It was more about the fact that I was so wrapped up in noticing everyone else’s blessings, that I somehow missed seeing some of our own. Our life once again feels FULL of blessings because I have more time to notice them, live with them, and to feel grateful for them. We are ALL given blessings, but we each receive DIFFERENT blessings and it somehow just works out perfectly!

What did I discover about myself that I did not know before I went into the Pandemic quarantine? I went into it with the assumption that I was an extrovert. Instead, I have discovered that I am most likely an introvert, maybe even a social introvert, because I have not minded this time at home as much as I thought I would. Of course, I do have my husband here which makes a huge impact on how I feel about the last 10 months, but, I also now understand why large parties were always so uncomfortable for me to attend. I love people and enjoy engaging with people but preferably on a one on one ratio or in small groups. I can remember the days when my husband was working in a company that required that I be involved in the large scale social functions and how drained I felt at the end of each one. Where extroverts draw energy from mass gatherings with a lot of conversation and interaction, I would lose energy. Now I know why, and it is ok.

So, here I sit again, in the quiet of a Sunday, January 3rd, 2021! I am “being still” and acknowledging the Who that is, Who that was, and Who will always be. (The great I am.) He is the one element in our life that was NOT taken away, in fact, I am more aware of his presence in our life now than ever before, because I have the blessing of time to focus on our Triune God! Thank goodness we made it through 2020. We are 10 months into this shelter in place and doing well.

What have you learned about yourself in this past 10 months of lockdown? I would love to hear about it!

jjb/1/3/2021

Recently, we brought our mantle clock into a clock shop for repair. Afterwards, we both went into a bit of withdrawal, not having our clock on our mantle for us to check the time. We had not realized how many times we glanced at that particular clock throughout the day! So, in our frustration, we attempted to order a cheap clock to temporarily replace the mantle clock and each one we received just did not have not large enough numbers or numbers well defined enough for viewing for “yours truly” who had her cataract surgery delayed when covid came to town.

After ordering at least 4 different clocks “on the cheap” as a temporary replacement for our mantle clock, (and returning them because of lack of ability to see them) we finally settled on this one. What a joy to be able to look up at the clock and SEE the time easily! Old habits die hard, and even though our phones and ipad and computer display the time, our eyes have long been trained to look at our mantle clock more times a day than we realized. The clock repair man said it would be several months before our old mantle clock would be ready for pick up due to a long list of customers ahead of us! Yay for the clock repair shop’s success in the days of covid. We don’t mind waiting and we are glad for him that he has a strong small business going on.

It was over 4 months ago when I had my final eye measurement appointment in preparation for my cataract surgery. I was nervously excited about the prospect of having a surgery that would give to me the 20/20 vision I was not born with! On that March day, the eye tech went through the many tests and measurements required and then said “O.K. the Dr. will be in in just a minute”. As I sat there I could feel butterflies in my stomach as I nervously anticipated the next step.

When he entered the room, he sat down on his chair and said “We’ve been shut down!” I said “Excuse me?”…He repeated what he said and then went on to explain it was a new ruling by the governor because of covid. He had just heard the news himself and was still trying to digest it. I felt more sad for him than myself. So, I went home with glasses on my face to wait until the next possible time for surgery. It is now the third week in July.

I have always had very poor vision, and I still remember feeling a sense of amazement followed immediately by gratitude on the first day I received my glasses when I was around 6 or 7 years old. Once they were placed on my face, I could actually see the world with crystal clear precision! I was very young and my new improved sight was all thanks to my teacher alerting the school nurse who in turn alerted my parents that I had a vision deficit. My parents immediately took me in to the Optometrist in town.

After a series of tests, the Dr. wrote a prescription for glasses. When I finally got them and put them on, I was in slack jawed awe. I just could not believe my eyes! What was lost was now found in the way of the visual details of our world. All the way home I kept exclaiming in amazement at what I could see. For the first time, I could see the word STOP on the stop sign, so I excitedly spelled the word out to my Dad! I could now see that trees were not a solid mass of green, but actually consisted of many different leaves and branches. I saw a couple of deer sprint into the woods along the roadside where previously I would not have even noticed them. At school, for the first time in my life, I could read the blackboard all the way from my desk! Earlier times I would stay in at recess so I could copy an assignment off of the blackboard. On the way home that day, I could not stop chattering about all that I could now see! It was a miracle.

Through the years, medicine advanced and once in high school, I was fitted with contact lenses. Another miracle! No more heavy framed glasses for me!

Here I am now, so many years later and I am going to be having surgery for my cataracts and will have the latest internal contact lenses on the market which will give me multifocal lenses. I will be able to see close up, middle distance and far away. I will donate my glasses to the Lions club for some poor soul who has vision deficit like I had and who will be as thrilled with their new corrected eyesight as I was when I got my first pair of glasses. It is a nice gift to give to someone! Pass the blessings along.

For my part, I anticipate when I will be able to open my eyes in the morning and for the very first time, be able to see my surroundings with great definition! To say I am excited would be an understatement.

I called my Ophthalmologist to see if they were open for surgery yet, and they are! My appointment is in two weeks for remeasuring,with surgery soon thereafter. I hope this will all work out this time!

For now, as I sit here, I look at our cheap replacement clock and feel gratitude that I can even see it with my glasses. Yup! Large numbers easily seen despite the cataract! I am so glad I live in the modern western world where we have so much available to us medically. Had I been born in an African outback, I would most probably have been eaten by a wild animal by now while wandering about, and I would never have seen it’s approach!

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes and some of my greatest blessings have been teachers and school nurses and caring parents and good eye Drs, and those wonderful, creative people who figured out how to bring good vision to myopic people. There are so many people to be grateful for in the correction of my eyesight and some will remain nameless to me. Nevertheless, my heart is full of gratitude!

Thank you God for handing out so much talent to so many different people. we do need each other to feel whole on this earth!

Amen!

jjb/7/23/2020

It is the day after an uneventful 4th of July. Everything was cancelled so there was nothing to attend. Because we have been in an area where there is a strong uptick of Covid Cases, we have now been in lockdown just about 4 months. FOUR MONTHS! To deal with this isolation and to keep our minds oiled, my husband and I have been looking for things to do and, boy oh boy, have we ever got a lot of projects done! Things are looking very, very good these days around our house. I think we have painted everything in sight! This would be the perfect time to sell the house, but, where we would go in this time of Covid-19? Where would we go at our age? So, we just sit back and enjoy the product of our hard work! The physical labor keeps us occupied and prevents the inevitable restlessness that comes from being idle for too long!

We really miss our kids and grandkids. It is very difficult to look at pictures of families gathering in areas of the country where covid hasn’t shown its nasty, killing side! I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for someone who has to live through this Pandemic alone. I see pictures of family members going to see their loved one through a window of a nursing home. I hear stories of loved ones with dementia getting worse because of the isolation. I hear of people who are wringing their hands over financial distress because of no work or businesses being closed down! It is a very tough time for so many, and the only way to get through it is one day at a time! Easier said than done!

We watched CBS Sunday Morning tv show this morning and there was one segment about immigrants who were being sworn in as U.S. citizens in their cars as a way to socially distance. A few were interviewed and their joy at becoming a U.S. citizen was on full display. It was palpable, even through the television screen. One man said that he was so happy he finally had made it to “Paradise”! It made me want to weep to see such gratitude and hope and positivity for the future. He and his family had made it to the “promised land”.

In contrast, as I watched this, in my minds eye I could see our politicians being vicious with each other, berating, demeaning, and downright nasty. I watched what started out as peaceful protests turning into full-scale riots with enormous destruction of property as well as looting and murders. Isn’t gratitude for life in the U.S. beautiful to see in public arenas? America the beautiful! I can fully understand the peaceful protests and I support those completely, but the vandalism, fires, and looting are not constructive to supporting any cause.

I have seen so many awful video clips of bad behavior where people are doing nasty things to one another…a man pushing over a very old woman as she is walking along a sidewalk which causes her to fall and hit her head on a fire hydrant. I see another man hitting a very old man with his own cane for no reason whatsoever other than meanness. I have seen a whole host of instances where people are calling the police just as a way to intimidate another person. Such meanness of spirit! Where does this come from in the land of the free and the home of the brave? Why is this happening?

So, I wonder to myself…Is this rooted in the Pandemic or is it the root of sin within people? Perhaps it is a combination of both? People seem to find any number of reasons to argue with and harass each other. Our Next Door Neighbor web site always has a list of people partaking in a war of words with one another. These days they argue about mask or no mask, opening the society or not, debates about what constitutes a too large gathering and why people are not properly distancing from each other. The debate itself is fine, but the demeaning way they communicate with one another is not!

For my part, I absolutely despise any kind of contention. I feel that laws were made to keep us from becoming a chaotic society. Laws and rules calm people because people know what to expect, whether they agree with the law or not! When laws are disregarded, people become agitated because things feel out of control and out of order.

I wish American citizens could go back to feeling the joy and pride of being part of the greatest society ever known to mankind. I think that because we have grown up in this world, and have never lived under an oppressive regime, we have come to take our freedoms for granted, and in some cases we abuse these freedoms!

I pray a lot for our country and our people as a whole. We are living in some turbulent times and I doubt we will ever again see the innocent times in which we grew up!

Right now, we live in a world of our own, in our house, on our property, just the two of us! Thankfully our hunger for human touch is met with a hug from the one we live with. We are getting to know each other in a wholly unfiltered way. This is what happens when you live with someone 24/7 for months on end. Fortunately for us, we like each other. That said, we still miss our old lives. We miss our family, our friends, our church family, our Dr, our library, our jobs, our everything….our life as it once was! Independence day 2020 will never be forgot! I wonder now if we will see each other at the next holiday or if we will do that alone as well? We will do what it takes because we want to live to be with our grandkids and kids as they move forward in life.

I am grateful for this life, this country, our Amazing God AND the freedom to worship in our own way! I often remind myself that MOST people ARE good! Most people are patriotic and most people realize the value and privilege of living in this beautiful country. The majority of us are willing to do what it takes to preserve the Union left to us, bought and paid for with the blood of millions of citizens who gave up their lives to defend our freedoms! Out of respect to them, and respect for our children’s futures, we really need to band together because it IS true that United we stand and divided we fall! Out of gratitude, “We the people” need to unite in our desire to protect what we have inherited, and to remember the enormous cost of lives that were taken in order to achieve this!

Happy 5th of July! God bless America!

I woke up this morning to a rip roaring thunderstorm. It sounded like the angels were in a bowling tournament in the sky! It was kind of cool to just lay there in our bed and listen to it. The thunderstorms in Texas are always so dramatic and loud, and I always enjoy listening to them. I felt as snug as a bug in a rug.

We have already had at least 2 inches of rain and when this happens, I am ALWAYS so happy for our trees and bushes. Al said that we have a forecast of rain over the next few days and also on into next week! Well bring it on! We are stuck in place anyway.

Every time I get relaxed in my thinking about the covid restrictions, I will come upon an article about someone who caught it and has suffered dearly because of it. Death is obviously the most extreme covid event, but I also just read yesterday about a double lung transplant on a 22 year old girl whose lungs were ravaged by this disease. While this disease seems to mostly go after the elder population, it also randomly affects the younger people as well, not in as many as the elders, but enough to make me wonder why people are not being more careful.

There is a big debate about wearing masks going on in our Next Door Neighbor column, and as I read the bickering going on back and forth, I remember the day and age in which I grew up where people just did what was recommended by the authorities, because we respected authority. These days, there is so much mistrust and a lack of respect for authority and so people do what they want because they say it is their right!

Well, we are retired and don’t have to be anywhere else, so we will just stay home and wait this thing out! This is one of the most difficult things we have ever done, but our will to live is stronger than our will to socialize. It is that simple. Thank goodness we have technology that keeps us in touch with our kids and friends and other relatives. We keep working on projects which helps keep our minds off of the terrible news of the day. Thankfully, me and the “hubs” are very compatible, so it gets us by!

Stay well, my friends, and let’s all continue to pray for our good health and for the health of our dearly loved United States which is under siege right now! This is all much bigger than any of us, so if we collectively pray, I firmly believe we can beat the enemy forces that have been unleashed around us! In the end, God wins! Let’s ask for His help!

jjb/ 6/23/2020

Dear Children,

I wish I could share with you this moment….this very moment. A beautiful ballad is playing on the radio, the fan is whirring and turning side to side caressing us with a beautiful breeze, and Dad is laying way back in his chair catching a snooze! These are the kind of moments in life that I most cherish, the quiet, soft, uneventful moments in life where one feels completely comfortable in ones own skin and at peace with the world. It is the kind of a moment where we feel accepted and loved despite all our weaknesses and faults, and it feels good! Very good! Though the nest has emptied, and it is now just the two of us, we are happy and content with how our life has unfolded.

Today is Father’s day and none of you were able to be here in the first person! Thank you covid-19! However, despite that unfortunate fact, the phone rang with greetings and messages of love from all of you for your Dad! The mail box and UPS brought gifts for him as well! My heart swells to see how much you each love your father! I can see how deeply connected each of you are to him and I know it is because he has always been there for you every step of the way. He has been an exemplary dad to each of you and as you grew to eventually see for yourself, he is just an all around very good and spiritual human being! A fine example for you to follow.

You are such loving and attentive children and I know your character development had a lot to do with the father I picked out especially for you, long before you were even a conscious thought! .When I was young and in the dating world, I met a lot of very nice young men! But your Dad is the one to whom my soul connected almost instantaneously! I saw his character and liked what I saw. I respected him then and I respect him now! I knew he would make a wonderful husband and father. He hasn’t disappointed me at all.

I have loved every moment of our life journey, from being young parents who had trouble making ends meet when you children were very small to the more prosperous times. It has been. blessing from the times when we were young and strong and handsome all the way to now when we are a bit like the velveteen rabbit!

Life has been good and has gone by way more swiftly than we ever could have imagined it would..Here we are now with all of you taking up the spots of the middle aged people in our family, which makes us….well, as they say there is “snow on the roof but a fire in the furnace.” Yeah, well, o.k……so we are old now, but thankfully, you all have such kind and compassionate hearts, you treat us like we are your contemporaries! Thank you for that!

Well, anyway, Happy Fathers Days Kids! I picked him out especially for you long before you were born! As they say, “He’s a keeper!”

You are most welcome! ❤️❤️❤️ We love you too!

Mom

It’s interesting, isn’t it, how everything can change in the time it takes to blink an eye? How, in just one blink, so much of what you thought was important, suddenly is not!

What is important is not a lifetime of accumulation, nor the trophy’s that sit on our mantles, nor the pieces of paper on which our names and our accomplishments are printed and displayed proudly through framed glass for all to see.

Life’s meaning is not found in the size of our home, the brand of our car, nor the destinations of our holidays.

What is valuable is our connection with those we love who love us back.

Our souls come to this world in a tiny, fleshy human form. We enter crying as we are blinded by the light of this new world, and we gasp when we take in our first breath of life.

Our Mother gets a glimpse of our eternal souls as she peers into the depths of our tear filled baby eyes. In our newly born helpless state, she cradles us, and talks to us in soft loving tones and we feel comforted. We cease to cry as we look back into her eyes and see nothing but love because it is then we know we are going to be o.k. We are two souls who became one by the reciprocal love of our first earthly union.

In the beginning, all we need is love and nourishment and a sense of belonging. Our souls grow and expand as we experience this love. We grow up in a family that is uniquely ours. Through this family we learn about the world in which we live. Before long we are leaving home and forging a new life which we can now modify to suit our emotional and intellectual needs. Our path is our own and our life begins to take on a new shape because we are in control of our destiny. (Rather, we think we are in control). Much of how our life is built is based on endless decisions and responses to those decisions we make along the way. As we watch our life take shape, we begin to believe in the power of our individual control. We begin to believe that if we continue ahead, forging our own chosen path along life’s journey, we will be fine.

But, life isn’t that simple. We are faced with many challenges that are beyond our immediate control. Some of us do not even make it to adulthood due to an accident or an unexpected illness. These are the times that serve as reminders to us that our control is very limited and we cannot fix everything by ourselves.

Right now, our world is facing a terrible Pandemic that few of us have ever experienced before. In the U.S., in recent times, it has probably never even been considered a possibility by an individual ordinary citizen. Few of us will escape this invader. Most of us will survive this invader and some of us will die.

We are asked to stay home and so we do. From our sofas and chairs we watch the news and listen as they tell us that our entire society must come to a halt. Major industries are closing down, churches are closing, people are losing their jobs, businesses are desperately trying to do anything they can to stay solvent and our savings are in peril.. Our enemy is foreign, invisible and highly contagious.

I find myself thinking of people throughout history who faced their own mortality. These people, who in the process of settling this country, faced insurmountable hardships in the form of inadequate housing, sickness, starvation…and death. Death was always present in those early days of very few medicines and even fewer Doctors.

Death takes many forms in many different circumstances.

I read about the Civil war where more soldiers were killed than in any other war in history. I think of the many wars that young men have fought in and died, never getting the chance to know what life could have brought them afterwards.

I think of the many people who sit across from their Doctor and receive bad news about the amount of time they may or may not have left.

I think about the famous ship, the Titanic, where countless people on that ship suddenly became aware of the fact that they were going down under the icy waters of the Atlantic and were forced to wait for death as the “unsinkable ship” slowly sank into the darkness bringing them along with it. One story goes that there were musicians who continued to play music knowing the ship was slowly sinking and that they were facing certain death.

There have been plagues before. The 1600’s brought smallpox, the 1700’s brought yellow fever, the 1800’s brought Cholera and Scarlet Fever, the 1900’s brought Typhoid, Spanish flu, Diphtheria, Polio, Measles and HIV. Our ancestors faced similarly frightening scenarios.

This new virus that is killing people all over the world is taking its toll on human lives. Sickness and death is just one big part of it, but the economic impact following will be another major consequence and we can only pray that it won’t drive us into another depression to equal the Great Depression.

Human lives have always been fragile and people in third world countries have faced the fragility of life from a very young and tender age. A lot of people in developed countries in modern times have not had to face fear head on because in the recent past, lets say the last 75-100 years, many of us have lived lives of comfort due to modern medical advances which have led us to believe that most everything can be “fixed”. Healthcare became so advanced, we didn’t worry about our children dying young like our ancestors children often did…instead, we assumed that we and our children would live to ripe old ages. Often we were correct in this assumption.

These are very uncertain times and deeply disturbing. We are facing an enemy when we have limited resources with which to fight something of this magnitude. What is also very difficult for most of us is that usually when we feel threatened or insecure, we find comfort in the arms of our loved ones. In these times, we are forced to isolate ourselves from everyone we know. Some of us are in our homes alone and we feel fear of the unknown.

This is history in the making…it will be printed in the history books and future generations will read about it and look at pictures of the event unfolding, just as I was reading yesterday about the 1918 flu pandemic. As I looked at black and white photos of sick people in rows upon rows of medical beds, I imagined each one of them as someones father, mother, daughter, son and the list goes on. In old pictures these individual identities are lost in the mass composite, but each person there mattered to someone.

Daily, it is a struggle to find courage. We pray, we read scripture, and we force ourselves to live in the moment, because we understand that our previous concerns about our future are no longer applicable. By comparison, those concerns now pale. New worries and concerns have stepped in to take their place.

I find myself thinking of my Mother again, imagining what she would have thought of all this. In the deepest recess of my psyche, I sometimes wish I was once again the baby she held so long ago, me watching her look deeply into my eyes as I listen to her soft voice reassuring me that I will be fine.

The reassuring voice has come back and this time it is my father reassuring me. My heavenly father who created me is whispering reassurance into my heart that it will all be fine. One way or another, this will all pass, and we will all be fine. Things may not work out exactly as we are hoping but HE reassures me it will still be fine. As I pray and listen with my heart, I know HE is right. I know that throughout history, people have faced fear and have chosen to ramp up their courage, their acceptance, and their faith that all things work out for the better good.

I reflect on my Mother and I thank her now for bringing me up to know that there is a God who is Lord over all. We are all part of a much bigger picture, each of us just one tiny thread among millions of other threads of many different colors, woven together to create a tapestry of Gods design. The most beautiful tapestries tend to have a lot of darkness woven in to bring out the beauty of the colored threads. Dark times are represented by dark threads. Some threads have been knotted to sit securely in place and some have been snipped. I don’t know if my future is going to be knotted in place or if I will be snipped free, but I am choosing to trust that this is all part of Gods design.

As I continue to read about other perilous times, I find my heart touched by their displays of courage. As history shows us their many act of courage, I know that I will face my own fears and choose to pick courage to live along side my fears as well. Its the only wise choice!

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’”

—Eleanor Roosevelt

Jjb/5/21/2010

It has been quite some time since I have sat down to write much of anything. I love to write down my thoughts and feelings, but have been so occupied, I haven’t found the time to do so. I decided a while back to step away from most forms of online media, especially social media. We also cut the cord to television and have abandoned most news stations. It was a very good decision. My angst about world affairs and politics quickly diminished when we eliminated the angry, hate filled rhetoric from our life. Facebook had to go too, because to me it had become a giant, out of control, opinion machine which presented itself to me every time I went on line. I finally snapped.

My personality has never been the type to be engaged with people 24-7, yet there I was, deep in the middle of all of it. I now look back and laughingly refer to my fb years as my own personal “Stockhom syndrome”, which is where a person develops a bond with his or her captor.

While I may appear to be a very gregarious human being, I am actually happiest in my own nest in my own company with an added person or two with whom to communicate with. Marriage is the perfect union for me. It is warm, loving, comfortable, rewarding, and non competitive. No real pressure here to be anyone other than my real self. We are aging together and as we age, we find comfort in seeing our loved one age as well. If anything, aging endears us to each other, because we are in this together.

I have been busy reevaluating how I spend my time. It is so easy to get caught up in the cyber world and before one realizes it, cyber reality overtakes “living in the moment” reality. The operative word being living. Too often we mistake our internet friends as real friends and we engage with them on line from the comfort of our chair and laptop keyboard. It requires less work on our part to continue a relationship that is only a click away.

Relationship in the first person requires time and effort, but the rewards of eye to eye contact along with body language during a conversation is infinitely more pleasurable. It is enjoyable nurturing a long time friendship where we witness the passage of time as we view the increasing wrinkles on their faces and see their hair slowly going to gray or even white. There is no way to hide behind a photo-shopped picture when you are sitting across the table from each other having a conversation at a meal. There we are in our total unvarnished reality as we sit a couple of feet away from each other in close visual range. Happily, we begin to relax as we see we are not alone in our aging.

There is nothing wrong with staying in touch with friends and relatives on fb if one can control the time spent. I was one of those who became addicted to the whole cyber social scene and looking back I still have some very good feelings about the times spent catching up with long ago acquired friends and childhood cousins. It was great for me while it lasted, however, I reached a point of needing to step back into “the moment” of my every day existence and I am so glad to be back!

On Sunday, Al and I decided to go to the park after church and we enjoyed watching other people picnic, play ball, fly kites, walk and run the paved paths. It was a picture perfect day. The sun was shining and the light blue skies were graced with white wispy clouds. Birds were riding the air currents, swooping and diving alongside of other birds with joyful reckless abandon. Dogs were running to retrieve balls from their owners. Children were laughing and calling out to each other as they enjoyed the day with their friends. It reminded me of my childhood long before the invention of the internet and cell phones, at a time where we had to use our own imaginations to create our own fun. Today, I was impressed to see parents actively involved with their children. All seemed so happy to be there.

Yesterday we went to golf a few holes in the late afternoon. I drove the cart while Al golfed, because I am a very poor golfer. He wanted me to ride along anyway. The golf course was a feast for the eyes because as the day progressed, the shadows got longer and longer as the sun made its way across the sky. The pictures the shadows created were worthy of being in a painting., Taking time to be in the midst of Gods creation frees the soul like nothing else does. To be one with nature is an exhilarating experience. Al and I enjoyed our time, one on one, seeing all the beauty around us together. It is still a such a rush to look at ones partner knowing that our love is as strong as ever embraced by joy and peace just by being in each others company.

NOTE TO SELF!!!!

Listen to Gods beckoning! Can you hear Him when He says “Return to me”?

He wants us to return to real life more often, escape to the great outdoors, which so many of us recognize as Gods creation. Returning to living and loving in real time frees our souls to swoop and glide as giddily as the birds do when they fly and ride the currents of the air. God is everywhere, all knowing, all seeing, and all around us in real life. Life is meant to be a verb where we should be actively participating in all of it. We really do “need” to spend more time in Gods majestic creation, plugging into His infinite power and feeling our souls being recharged. This can positively take our breath away as our eyes and inner being take it all in!

Carpe Diem! Seize the Day! We only have THIS moment in time that is guaranteed! All else is unknown!

 

Jjb/2/18/2020

 

 

I work very part time at the front desk of an Assisted living, although I use the word “work” very loosely because I enjoy it that much. Everyone needs a sense of purpose and value, and this happens to be mine. Working the front desk gives me a chance to interact with people who are old and for one reason or another, cannot live alone at home anymore. I love it! I love the conversations that take place and how their personalities emerge as I get to know each one a little better.

In America, being old is a mixed bag for most. We all want to live a good long life, but we think of it in terms of living independently, having enough money, and being in good health. Most of us will eventually have health issues and some of us will need assistance.

One day, an older ex-musician rolled up to the desk in a wheel chair. He asked me if I could help him figure out a financial equation. I said,

“Sure…if I can. What do you need help with?

He said, “Well, I just sold my house for $$$$$$$$$$. How long will that money allow me to live here?”

I was taken aback because he is in his mid 70’s…So, I asked him how much he paid for rent and divided that into the house sale amount.

I said “6 1/2 years.”

Because he looked so deflated, I then said, “Wait a minute you must have social security, right?”

He nodded, and told me the amount. So I added that to the equation and then I said “Looks like 9 years now and we have not taken into account the interest on your money”. (Also did not take into account the usual annual price hike in rent, but did not want to mention that).

He held eye contact with me for a long moment, nodded his head again, then rolled away down the hall to his Apartment. I felt his fear.

Working a few hours a week at this place has given me great insight into what a lot of people deal with in old age. There are many who are content here. The staff is very good and very good to the residents. They have good meals and planned activities for those who are interested. Some have devoted family members which makes all the difference for a residents sense of self worth. Its a very nice place to live. However, there are a number of them who are just doing their best to “make the best” of living so long.

Courage comes in all forms. We think of it when we watch people go off to war or dare devils performing dangerous stunts. We see it in people who have been given a terminal diagnosis. We see it when someone loses someone who was very dear to them and now they have to go forward in life without them. To live this life in this world takes a LOT of courage.

It also takes a lot of courage to live in old age. You find yourself dealing with the loss of friends and family who have died. You deal with the indignities of a failing body or a failing mind. You put on a happy face when you feel it is expected even though you may not be the least bit happy because you know that people avoid sour old people. If you had children, they are now grown and enjoying their own adult lives, which in this day and age often means living far away in a distant place with calendars full of comings and goings and you get a very small percentage of their time (if you are one of the lucky ones) and you smile broadly when they come to see you so they will come again.

Old age for some people is no different than their previous ages other than the understandable slowing down as they reach their 80’s, 90’s and even 100’s. These people are living independently and in reasonably good health and have enough money to see them through to the end. But, the majority of our elderly are living lives that demand courage and tenacity and fortitude.

I see courage in these people every single day as they live their lives knowing that they are on the other side of the hill. Most of them love to engage with other people in their surroundings by having a good laugh, by sharing a tidbit of news, and by encouraging someone who needs a bit of a psychic lift on any given day. A lot of them will be social during meal time but then will go back to their apartments where they feel in control of their surroundings, where they can nap, read, and reflect and do whatever suits them.

Inside these aging bodies resides the ageless spirit and personality of who they have always been. Our spirits never age because our inner spirits or souls are timeless and eternal. Our personalities of our childhood are the same personalities now…just in more restrictive environments.

If you want to do something today to make a difference in this world, take a minute to visit with an older person. Smile at them. Tell them to have a good day. Look them in the eyes and let them know they are not invisible to you as they so often are in this world to others. Let them feel seen and heard. Let them feel as if they matter, if only for that one moment. Shake their hand in greeting. Help them cross the street. Offer your arm as they step off a curb. It will make them feel good and it will make you feel even better!

God bless the elderly. They are the true courageous soldiers in this often times challenging life that complicates our journey! It is in them that I see living breathing older “profiles in courage” in a very different way from in the book that bears its name!

Jjb/11/05/2019

Oh it is SO good to be home again. The feelings of contentedness just keeps growing. I am a new appreciator of things I previously took for granted, not the least of these, our bed. The comfort of ones own bed cannot be over stated.

Our appreciation of our bed is followed with an appreciation of our own old leather chairs that over the years have contoured to our body shapes so when we sit in them it is like putting on an old kid glove. We are not just sitting, we are embraced!

Listening to the washer sloshing away as we sit in our chairs while we catch up on mail and messages is like listening to an old familiar rhythmic melody.

Brewing coffee in our old coffee pot, frying an egg in our old frying pan, popping toast, simmering a pot of chili, all with ease within the confines of our friendly and familiar kitchen…ah, it makes a persons heart flutter a bit.

Yes, while we had a wonderful vacation in Spain and Italy, it is just so good to be back to friends and family. One friend gave us a ride to the airport and our son picked us up to bring us home. This is where we are loved and this is where we belong. 20 plus years is a long time to live anywhere and we never get tired of it…Home Sweet Home!

Reflecting on our trip to Europe, the things I am most glad we purchased for the trip are the fanny packs, the back packs and the small roller bags. We have never gone anywhere with just carry on luggage, so leave it to us to experiment on a trip to Europe! Lol! As it turned out, reducing our luggage not only made it easier to not deal with baggage pick up hassles and fees, it made it easier in general. I had also purchased packing cubes which to me, at first glance, just seem like a marketing ploy to buy more things, but in reality, work really well in keeping your things organized, particularly if one keeps moving from place to place on a trip.

Because I read that hotels don’t supply washcloths, I purchased these very tiny wrapped cubes about the size of a large crouton marketed as travel washcloths. When you hold them under running water they expand and grow before your eyes. They are very sturdy and can be used more than once! These were probably my favorite new find! Everyone should have them in their cosmetic bag even when visiting family so one doesn’t ruin the hosts washcloths with makeup residue. I give them a 5 star rating!

I brought my small turbo hand held fan along and was so grateful for it since we experienced times of extreme heat or exercise in Spain and Italy where I desperately needed a breeze to cool off. It’s a fan that can be recharged with a cell phone cord. I love it. On one very hot ride in an over packed train, I noticed a young Chinese fellow standing a distance from me in the train car and using a fan very similar to mine. I caught his eye and wiggled my fan at him and he wiggled his back as we both began to smile. We both knew how lucky we were to have those fans at that moment. It is one of my most favorite possessions.

I brought only 2 pair of shoes. My sketcher sandals and my merino wool Allbirds shoes. Both far exceeded my expectation of comfort. The wool runners are the most comfortable pair of shoes I have ever owned.

We brought a small blue tooth speaker and were able to stream Minnesota Public Radio in our hotel rooms. Ahhhh! Such a treat.

I brought sample sized containers of everything I could find that I use in cosmetics and cleansing products. It reduced my haul by 80% and I still had product remaining at the end of 2 weeks.

I bought packets of sink suds to wash clothes as needed. In my opinion, this works well for underwear, socks and bras, but not as convenient for clothing. Still, I was glad I had it.

These are top take away thoughts on travel from us. I now know,that it is unlikely I will ever again check luggage. I know I can get by on much less. The only exception to the rule would be if we go north in the dead of winter, where we would need boots and heavy outer wear.

So here we are…..we are always glad to come home….to the nest we have created together and where we share our thoughts and dreams and mutual love. When it comes down to it though, our home really is wherever the two of us are together. We are most definitely simbiotic. We are never gone from “home” as long as we are in the company of one another. To have found another human being who so completely compliments who I am as a human being is nothing short of a miracle, and we both appreciate this blessing the most of any other blessing in our life!

Miracles do happen!

Jjb/ 9/22/2019