A week of reminiscing, reflecting, laughing and crying is over and I am already lonesome, pensive, and feeling a bit adrift. Two long time girlfriends flew in a week ago to spend some quality bonding time and it has been wonderful!
There were the three special girlfriends this past week spending time together along with one very special man who has always been there for us. We officially have dubbed him the 4th “Musketeer”, or the 4th “Amigo” because he is so willing to help it all come together. He was our cook, our chauffeur, our bartender and our very, very good friend (and my love). In my case I get to be his wife and that is like being given the crowned jewel to wear for life.
One of the two women is a friend who came into my life long before I met my husband and who was a bridesmaid in our wedding 46 years ago. My other friend I met when we moved to a new town because of a career change for my husband. We were married by then and had three young children. My husband and her husband became fast friends and we were two perfectly matched pairs who enjoyed spending a lot of time together.
These friendships have endured the test of time. We have witnessed each others lives unfolding as we each walked along our unchartered life paths. We have shared our secrets, our insecurities, our triumphs, our tears, and most especially our failings. Sharing our losses and our painful events became the glue that bonded our friendship together. Acquaintances are often formed at happy events, but bonding friendships occur when we help one another traverse life’s rough patches, and rough patches we have ALL had along the way.
Most of us enjoy sharing our fun times, our achievements, and the highlights of our lives. This is perfectly normal because happiness is such a gift. We want that joy shared and spread around! But there are only a very few with whom we will share the darker, more humbling and more emotionally painful happenings of our lives. I guess our need to appear “perfectly put together” is a defense mechanism to protect us from any kind of perceived criticism.
So, while we all love laughing and celebrating the good things in life, the sharing of our darker moments, our very humbling moments, is relegated to a very, very small trusted few. The operative word, of course, is trust. To find someone with whom to trust our fragile hearts and egos is a rare find indeed. Once found, it is to be cherished because this is no small gift.
I have never been one to mix in larger groups of women. While I am quite talkative, I am not necessarily extroverted, so my nature is much more suited to waiting for that one special friend with whom I can feel safe and happy. God has granted me a few of these women friends and two of them came for a visit this week!
As we spent this week together we attended fun activities, and we laughed until our faces hurt. We also sat up late in the evenings in our pajamas while sharing a few tear producing stories from our lives. There is something cleansing about sharing our imperfections with our friends, who in turn, share theirs too. We become a sisterhood as we reflect back upon our mistakes and realize that while we all look so different on the outside from each other, we are all the same inside. We are delicate and fragile and loving human beings who all just want the same things in life. We want peace and joy and love and harmony and we all have faith these will come to us intermittently along life’s path.
We our similar ages, my friends and I, and we are all weary of trying to be perfect or trying to “fit in” to what society decides we need to be in our looks and behaviors. Old age brings to us many imperfections we cannot hide anymore. We don’t see as well, hear as well, or walk as well as we once did. But, we laugh every bit as heartily as we ever did because we know that where it counts, we haven’t aged a bit. Our inner child is alive and well and ready to go outside and play despite the many adjustments that need to be met.
They have gone home now, these friends of mine, (of ours) who came to visit. The house is very quiet, and now I have time to reflect on the past week. I realize more than ever how valuable time is, especially now when I look ahead and see how much less there is of it for us than the time we have already spent.
My life is not full of an endless roster of friends, but the friends I do have make my life full, and this suits me just fine!